Tag Archives: etiquette


Facebook faux pas – tortoise and hare

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Categories: A-sexy: Etiquette Guide, BLOG, Latest, Tags: ,

So this is a conversation with a friend. I can’t lie. I’m starting to think they are the normal ones. But to be fair I was mainly just irritated by his pace in response. I mean quite honestly do they think we have nothing better to do than to wait 10 minutes for a response?

Him: hey

Me: hey dear

Him: hows u

Me: gosh this is going to be a slow conversation. Are you sure you are up for it. YAWN!

Him: yea i can go slow

Me: then we aren’t a match.

Him: haha

Him: lol

Me: I don’t chat slowly. Life is too short.

Him: well your not speaking fast

Him: clearly your idea of pace is distorted

Me: hey then 10 minutes silence isn’t going to work for me dear

Me: I’m just being upfront and open

Him: haha

Me: let’s not fall out when clearly you like to chat slowly!

Him: haha

Him: your a classic

Him: you should write an article on it

Me: I’m sorry but one answer chats are also a fail. I really wanted us to work

Him: loool

Me: on slow chatters.

Me: I’m sure I have somewhere a long time ago

Him: you should find it for me

Me: Grrrr same with the one worders

Me: I don’t have time

Me: Things to do lovely. I’m a busy woman

Him: ok

Me: but if I stumble across it I’ll send it to you

Him: do your thing miss busy

Me: Mwaah lovely and next time don’t just send me two short openers and we should be fine

Him:  you like them long

Him: i will take note

Me: I’m a size queen. Even in my chats it would seem, yes

Him: clearly….

Me: Grrrr! Stop it

Him: make me

Me: No. You wouldn’t be able to handle it. Bless ya

Him:  :/

Me: crapiola! An emoticon? That’s the 3rd fail. We can’t even be friends anymore. You have no chat etiquette

As you can see my precious I’m doomed. I’m not meant to be chatting online peut etre?

© Chelsea Black


facebook faux pas part 2


Categories: A-sexy: Etiquette Guide, BLOG, Latest, Tags: ,

Just so you all know that I’m not making up my frivolous facebook chats. I realise that it highlights my anxieties as well as his inability to realise that he was winding me up. I almost didn’t post this but, hey ho….Enjoy!

A year ago

HIM: hi chelsea what do you look like?

ME: random question from someone who also doesn’t have photos up?

HIM: i know that!! but i would like see how look send me a photo of you?

ME: Ok I’m not being difficult but we have never spoken. Why would I send a photo of myself to a stranger? This is quite irregular.


A year later


HIM: is that pic you with your hand on your head

ME: No. No photos of me at all


2 Days later


HIM: (in response to a moany update about work from me) Ok I hope everything at work works out for you stay bless

HIM: What kind of work do you do?

ME: Projects mainly. No job as such


HIM: Ok! would it be ok if we can talk on the phone sometimes

ME: what for?


HIM: I like to get to no you if that ok

ME: know me? Thanks dear but I don’t really get to “know” people through social media

HIM: Why that?

ME: It’s just a policy I have. I’ve done it before to no avail. But like I say thanks for reaching out

HIM: Their alway a first time for something new

HIM: You coming like a nice woman

HIM: You never no we can become good friends

ME: I am nice but that doesn’t mean I want to get to know you better.

HIM: That true!

HIM: If I send my number would I here from you

HIM: You never no you might end up liking me lol

HIM: I hope I’m not been to forward

ME: No. I can’t. Your spelling is driving me crazy

Me: are you doing it on purpose?


After a silence



HIM: Your giving me joke

ME: OMG stop spelling everything incorrectly. It’s too much

HIM: Sirry

HIM: I mean to say sorry

ME: hmmmm am I being punked?

HIM: Lol

HIM: May be I should to talk you on the phone then

ME: No, I know enough dear.

HIM: Like what?

ME: Your spelling drives me crazy. And you’re persistent. I can’t. I’m neurotic about writing.

HIM: It’s this iPhone

ME: No these are grammatical errors. Their instead of there, Your instead of you’re etc. I can’t

HIM: What wrong in me being a bit persistent

ME: Just premature based on one day of interaction

HIM: We need more than one day to get to no someone

ME: KNOW!!! not NO!. OMG.

HIM: I’m say it short that all

ME: Don’t. It isn’t right. OK I’m going to do something else.

HIM: Like what?

ME: Talk to someone whose grammar isn’t giving me anxiety attacks

HIM: I must be giving you some joke

ME: No you really aren’t.


HIM: I talk to you tomorrow if that ok


Long silence from me


HIM: Don’t want to talk me again lol good night

ME: night

HIM: So we talk later?

ME: no

HIM: Why not?

ME: What for? I told you no and you’re still trying it.

HIM: I just have a feeling your a good lady

ME: you’re! see what I mean?

HIM: I’m just saying that all you don’t have to look to deep in to it.


Runs off to scream into the Chelsea Moon. I can’t do it.

© Chelsea Black


Facebook flirtations and Faux pas

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Categories: A-sexy: Etiquette Guide, BLOG, Latest, Tags: , ,

F is for Facebook flirtation Faux pas

So here is the thing about flirting on Facebook – It makes people brave but can also expose a lot about them. It makes some incredibly lazy as they reckon they can opt in and out of flirtations at a whim. They just stop calling but in a much more blatant way as you can still see that they are online and they haven’t fallen off a cliff. In my head there is a Cliff in the Caribbean somewhere near a beautiful waterfall where all the wastemen go when they pull a disappearing act. But when the green light for chat is on then you know that either his fall wasn’t fateful or ….he’s still online just flirting with someone else.

I’m all for banter flirting where we exchange quips in a Shakespearian mess of innuendos and the odd double entendre. That is pure fun. But there are a number of Faux pas moves when it comes to the flirt though that we have to consider. Be warned that any of these are enough to turn a flirt cold.

Mr. Nigistence

Persistence or Nigistence as I call it is getting old. It was cute in the 80s when we watched Hollywood movies of men who saw a woman across a room, immediately realised this was the one for him and pursued her relentlessly despite her spending 81 minutes saying no.  But no I reckon there is an automated persistence programme on Facebook which picks up when you are online and pounces with that smooth opening line… “Hey.” This is followed with 5 or 6 more Hellos!!! Every time you log on? Clearly you don’t want to talk to them. But they reckon they will wear you down eventually.

Mr. Nothing to say

There are those that say hello and how are you with confidence but then have nothing to say and expect you to carry the conversation. Dude, you started this at least have some gems to make a sister laugh or something. There was a cute mutual friend who used to do this all the time and eventually I told him that I wasn’t having it. What interesting things was he bringing to the table? He was really offended at being called boring and hit back with … “Well you’re just mean!” Hmmmm These ones indicate potential for lazy sex. I just don’t have time for those that initiate but don’t finish what they start.

Mr.  No spell checker

I’ve recently heard from someone whose spelling / grammar started giving me anxiety attacks. I know that this is my issues but I just don’t understand why someone thinks I want to read their bad English?  I told him about himself and he said that he was using the short versions of things. There was no mention of the grammar.  I realised that some don’t know that they are doing it and they are now hiding behind the txt speak phenomenon. Like life isn’t bad enough we have to decipher what the other person is saying?

Mr. Tortoise

If you are online then it shouldn’t take ages for you to respond to a chat. I don’t know why it feels like we are emailing each other as opposed to chatting but a conversation with so many silences isn’t going to work. If you are attempting to multitask that’s fine as I can easily have 3 or 4 conversations at once. But I shouldn’t even know that this is what you are doing. I also suspect some are cutting and pasting lines from elsewhere which leads me onto ….

Mr Cut and Paste

Dude what is this about? Bad enough on the dating sites but on facebook? Is nothing sacred. There I am in the middle of a chat and I get a chat about my long blonde hair or my long legs and I know that he’s not talking to me. Poetry is the worst as clearly he is hiding behind his inability to write anything original. I can’t. A sniff of a cut and paste and I’m off.

The Visualists

Those that insist on seeing what you look like before they will commit to flirting are only surpassed by those that say it doesn’t matter what you look like and then when they do see you they say something lovely like “Oh! I thought you were going to look more glamorous” Or my favourite “You look more Caribbean thank African” and wonder why you no longer pick up their calls.

Of course most men are a combination of some of the above but nothing pisses me off more than the one who pretends he’s not living with someone or forgets that he’s married. Seriously dude Facebook is not the space for that nonsense.

Right that’s it. I’m off to bed before I get stuck having a conversation with a guy about why he has so many photos of women he has never slept with on his wall. This can’t end well, right?

© Chelsea Black

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