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Still Single?

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chris brown

Still Single?

So today I had a meetup with one of my old language teachers. It was an excuse for me to give her some chocolate from my last trip and to catch up on her gossip.  Things are going well for her. She’s teaching more as an independent and her relationship of 6 months is going from strength to strength. They’ve booked a trip to go and meet her parents. I tried to put off the inevitable but then it swung round to be again. We had discussed work (a very short conversation ) and she asked eagerly who I was seeing. I replied no one and she looked at me incredulously.

“You’re STILL single!” she exclaimed. People in the Royal Festival Hall looked around to see who the single woman was. Well, no, they didn’t but that’s what it felt like.

This was all a shock. We had spent a large part of our lessons discussing the poor state of online dating and all of my potential had been dissected in a language I’m really not that fluent in. She asked about my Valentine’s date. What had happened to him? I told her he had promptly disappeared then reappeared when horny only to inform me that he wanted sex and not a relationship. After a few probing questions she agreed that he wasn’t the one either. Phew!

Now if she was English this is the bit where she would have gotten embarrassed and talked about the weather but she’s not. So she started asking me why I was single. Wait, hadn’t we covered this? No one had asked me out since February! I told her about the Tool part 2 and she just shook her head sadly. Then she told me about her daughter who was multiple dating in multiple countries. I got the message. Some women had more than one man and I couldn’t even find one. This conversation wasn’t doing much for my self-esteem. I reached into my purse for some chocolate only to realise I had given my chocolate stash to her as a gift. Drat!

It was lovely seeing her but as I walked to a networking event in St. Pauls I realised that there comes a point where people stop sympathising and start to think the problem may be with you. Like when you’re in a bad relationship you have a limited victim time before people start to think somehow you are causing the issues in part. Look at Rihanna and that bloke. Apparently I’m running out of sympathy time! Maybe this is why some people stay in bad relationships. They can’t bear being questioned about being single and their responses being met with pity. There isn’t a reason I’m single except that I’m just single. Why is this so hard for some to understand?

That’s it. I may have to resort to making up a boyfriend. I’m imaginative so I’ll come up with a whole back story and everything. He’ll be handsome, loving and have been living just around the corner all of this time. Wait, that doesn’t work. He’s fresh off the boat, no….he may be a tad too traditional for moi. Oh go away and let me sort this out. This Fake FuBo may take a while to create. I’ll call him Fred.

© Chelsea Black

 

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The Tool part 2

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tool belt

In January this year I mentioned a potential new friend who was going to put up my desk but disappeared? Yes The Tool. I have an update for you guys.

So on Friday I was out at Jewel Bar and not only was it fraught with tensions I got a text message which said they had been away for a while but not to lose touch. I assumed it was one of my twitter friends Eve and asked questions about her blog. Blog? The person responded. Ooooh, the mojitos weren’t being kind to me so I asked who it was and it was The Tool. The tool who I had actually gone around Fulham and Chelsea for looking for non pork sausages. He didn’t eat pork. Eventually I had discovered that even non pork ones tended to have pork in the casings. Luckily he disappeared when he did because stressing over breakfast isn’t something any woman should have to do.

Seriously he was only getting back into contact 5 or 6 months later? And I was supposed to have kept his details in my phone? Why? Men and their arrogance. It never ceases to amaze me. Anyway I asked him which woman had kept him busy and he said it wasn’t a woman but a boy. Oh, I didn’t think he was gay. But no it was his son was born earlier this year.

Right, so this is the bit where I’m meant to be understanding and forgive him for disappearing? He had become a parent. Hardly life threatening. But apparently it had all sent him into a bit of a spin. I’m not sure how because he was having sex and must have known that it can lead to babies. I’m not sure though. I didn’t get the condom split conversation so let’s assume it was consensual bareback shall we?

Fine. So here’s my theory. You neglect to keep in touch, never apologise and then expect to pick up a friendship where it left off? I mean that desk still hasn’t been assembled but not one mention of his tool did this guy make. I wasn’t impressed. I know that I’m not a priority at this stage but I don’t want to be an option that you neglect for 6 months either.

I’m not really convinced by disappearing act men. We see them all the time and as women we are supposed to celebrate the fact that they come back? Why! If you disappear it’s best you stay disappeared.

He then made a couple of backhanded comments. You know the ones where men think they’re being really nice but actually they are being insulting. His were “You always were good to talk to” and “You have some excellent qualities”. I couldn’t even be bothered to explain why these were wrong I just told him that he was patronising. He didn’t get it.

Wait maybe he didn’t know what patronising meant! Well we will never really know.  Whilst it was nice to get closure on it all I don’t see that he is friend material. I’m slightly peeved to know that he was so bloody fertile though.

Hey ho! Shame he was cute.

© Chelsea Black

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Cabbie dairies part 5

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cabbie 2

Cabbie Diaries part 5 – the final part

So as I was finishing a delicious bath I see that my phone is ringing. It’s him, Cabbie. I pick up and he starts his ranting.

Why wasn’t I answering his texts? I told him I didn’t want to text or talk to him as there was nothing to say.  He ignores this and asked if he could he pop round? I tell him no thank you as we were not pop in friends. Then he gives me some long argument about why I should be flattered that he was going to be on my road and instead of just driving by I should be flattered that he remembered me and wanted to see me.

Like seriously? That was the angle he was going to take? It had only been 6 weeks and it worried me that he knew where I lived.  I was incredulous at this point and torn between explaining to him what an idiot he was and slamming down the phone. But I have an old clapped out blackberry. It would just break if I slammed so I chose the former.

I told him that he had never ever been to my flat so we were not pop in friends. I don’t allow strangers into my house. (this isn’t true as some of you know but that’s not the point) He said that I could come and sit in the cab for 5 minutes. Yes that sounded enticing. So I had to get dressed to go and sit in a cab for 5 minutes? I didn’t get it, what for?

“Can’t we be friends Chelsea?” he asked me?

And I told him no. We couldn’t be friends because we had never been friends. So why would I build a friendship with someone who stood me up for 3 hours? Then he killed it with, “you never even gave me a chance to explain.” 6 weeks later and he wanted to explain?

I told him straight, we had different values when it came to what was acceptable and what wasn’t and I don’t think that was the basis of a friendship. Then he got mad.

He told me that he didn’t realise I had taken it all so hard and that he could now see why I was still single as I shouldn’t still be angry with him and that my values were impossible to meet. No man could not be 3 hours late? Surely he discredits the male population? The implication was clear that he thought I would be single for a long time.

Anyway I saw what he was doing. The switcheroo. I was meant to feel like crap because I had made him feel like crap but that wasn’t going to work. I hmmmmed and aha-ed my way through him telling me about myself. Then he said my favourite bit.

“Don’t worry Chelsea, you’ll never have to worry about hearing from me again” YES! He got it. I didn’t want to speak to him, get to know him, be his friend or the person he popped into see when he was on their road. I know the people on my road use a lot of taxis. I couldn’t take the risk.

I’m not going to write about Cabbie again. I realise that my frustration with him is that he doesn’t get it. I think men have been too spoiled by women who allow them to get away with nonsense ruining it for the rest of us. So much for bloody sisterhood.

My only question is really, will this affect my account with Addison Lee?

© Chelsea Black

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