Tag Archives: dating


The Cute Dude with Food

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Categories: DATING, Misadventures, Tags: ,

So before I get to today’s meet I have to confess something . Every Monday after the radio show I used to go to the Caribbean take away and get meals for the week. I know. IT’s my secret shame. Then I was shocked when I gained a few (like 8) pounds around the middle and hips. But one of the guys at the café seemed to take a liking to me and would give me extra big portions. I was convinced that the women secretly hated me because they always gave me WAAAAY too much rice despite e asking for not too much please and lots of sauce. So in the new year I just stopped going. I can’t be single and fat. I just can’t

So back to today and I was on the Victoria line one the way back from Euston with my suitcase and a frown as there were delays on 4 of the tube lines. It was hot and everyone was being testy. Finally the guy standing up in front of me got off the carriage and revealed, Caribbean Food Dude. Let me say that he’s cute and flirty but I always assume that’s part of the banter to get people coming back? That said Caribbean takeaways are hardly known for their customer service. Hmmmm…..

We recognised each other and started chatting. Men love to talk about themselves. Like seriously, I think it’s their hobby. Women have shopping. He told me about his life for the last 25 years back in the Caribbean and how he’s only been here a year. It passed the time as we were stuck at a red light.

I could tell that he thought that this was a golden opportunity to ask where I’d been and I eventually confessed to him that his food was making me fat! There was no mention of the 3 packs of Haribos I chase most meals with though. He told me that it wasn’t the rice as I suspected but the sauce where all the calories lay. Clutching my imaginary pearls I refused to believe that the women weren’t sabotaging me. He then said that he would take my number and give me his so that next time I was coming to the shop I could tell him and he’d prepare me a calorie low version of the meal. Like seriously? I want the calories and taste without the bloody weight gain. Why is he being solution focused.

Things were going well until he started telling me about his recent divorce and kids. Apparently the divorce was fine but he didn’t see his kids and he was ok with that. I asked if he  skyped them and again no. He asked if I had kids and I tod him no and he said, ‘Why no?’ Who asks that? Er, I didn’t really know how to answer this

Numbers exchanged and time to punch his name in. Egbert! Oh dear god no, I don’t see how this would work. He called me an hour later just to make sure my number was right. Yes he’s’ cute but I don’t think we come from the same value base. I also don’t know that I could cope with the weight gain?

Sigh. The search continues

© Chelsea Black



My 3 Tinder Golden Rules

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Categories: 40DayDating, DATING, DATING TIPS, Misadventures, Tags: , ,

3 Tinder Golden Rules

Ok so it has been a hell of a dating ride. When I set up this #40daydating challenge I thought to myself that I wasn’t going to get more than 10 days and I’ve already had 7 (yeah I left when Hot Gym Dude was late but, it counts. I was at the agreed spot at the agreed time)

But then after the initial exhilaration over my dating success (Some of my precious American readers please note sarcasm and insert here) I realised that I’d have to work smarter if I was going to meet anyone worthy of taking beyond the 40daydating threshold into happily ever summer. This wasn’t going to be easy! So I sat down on my rest day and focused on what had gone wrong and what was going right. This was a relatively quick process because there was so little right so far that I only needed to focus on the wrong. And there were so many Mr Wrongs!



Oh my days this is a bug bear! I’m an eighth German and that eighth is punctuality! I’m not built for winter or British. I’m too curvy dresses and leggings for that shit. Stop your foolishness.

We had the one who had just reached home 10 minutes before our date time (8.30)  and took an hour to get there. He couldn’t tell me before I left my house? He had to wait until 8.20? How did he think I was going to get to the meetup on time? Oh he didn’t because I think he assumed we would both be late

The one who was 84 minutes late to a gig which started at 8. Luckily I was in the warmth and listening to good music (Thanks SofarSounds) but, I don’t get it. The only thing he was bothered about was that I saved him a beer. I think this was code for, I’m not spending a penny. More on him another time.

Then the Dad who was 30 minutes late because he couldn’t find parking at 7pm. In SW London on a Monday ? You are a liar.

Finally and most distressingly because I was actually looking forward to it was Hot Gym Dude who, after 15 minutes wait outside Clapham junction hadn’t called. Then he told me 10. Then he told me 5 (30 minutes later). Then finally he said, “Mi reach” but I’d gone. 49 minutes is not the one. Not even the promise of those biceps could keep me on that street a minute longer. Just say you couldn’t get away from your woman and let it go.

So the rules are simple. I don’t meet anyone at a station or on the street again. I am not a prostitute and there are plenty of bars and coffee shops in London. I will only wait 20 minutes for a date, 30 if you’re cute and given such good banter that I’m already naming our babies in my head. Kidding. I chose all of my babies’ names 20 years ago. 



Remember when we were in a recession and nobody wanted to put their money on the table? When going to dinner was going to Nandos every single time? When guys used to tell you that they had just eaten whether it was 6,7,8,9,10pm?  Then they looked longingly at your food and stole your chips?

Yes, we are back here again. Which is not a problem. It’s good that people are being careful with their money and I don’t need a man to splash the cash on me. That said I’m really not ready to splash the cash on them either I get that they have child support and rent to pay but, so do I. My child support consists of books, clothes and music. Feeding my inner child. So far I’ve had:

Cheeky coffee one, “I know you don’t want me to contribute do ya? You’ve got this. I only had a coffee” and half my chips!

Nandos, “babe, you got change?”

The Heineken who said nothing but then tried to come home with me and said he had cab money to get himself home

And the dude who told me that he was trying to save for a property so, er, yeah. Money be tight. The bill was £21.

This role reversal thing is not cute and I’ve decided I’m going to make it clear before confirming that, I’ll happily pay for myself but expect the same from them. I’m not here to sponsor people and their lifestyles. I’m going to get a t-shirt which tells them so. “Nah Fam, I’m not the one!”  

So Rule 2 is to stop paying for dates. I am sure that HMRC won’t let me write them off as business expenses.


Trusting my gut

It’s ok to be an optimist and give the benefit of the doubt but Maxine Saj, my budda belly is rarely ever wrong about men. Food, not so much but, men? Men she knows.

So why when I can see that they’re not communicating well (ie at normal times) or they’re too aggressive or their typos are more basic primary school grammar am I still going out on dates? I seriously don’t have time for this. Yes, the magazine and society has told us not to aim too high when it comes to men because men have the power and a lot of choice and are Neanderthals etc but this has gotten to a point where basic respect is missing.

The last and best rule is to trust my gut. It has never ever steering me wrong. Except for that chicken. Why is it always chicken??

Hopefully the rest of the challenge will be less dramatic. I just don’t think the wasteman to decent man ratio on Tinder and POF should be ignored. There are a lot of frogs out there. I’ll just try not to hang out with all of them.  

© Chelsea Black 2016



My New Year’s Wish

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Categories: DATING, Latest, Tags: ,

New Year’s Wishes

Hopefully yowish4u have fully recovered from your NYE antics and are ready to start the year ahead. I wanted to take a moment to talk about resolutions.

Let’s face it, resolutions can only work if they involve you and nobody else. Losing weight is an easy one to achieve but finding a better job or dating more is less in your control. Additionally resolutions are hard to keep. You fall off that gym membership wagon and before you know it you are reading the Ts and Cs to see how you can cancel it….in February.

For the last two years I’ve resolved to date more. An active means of finding FuHu (Future Husband). What has inadvertently happened is that my standards have gotten higher and I ended up dating less. I had one date in 2014 and two in 2015. These are not great stats an yet, all three men have taught me some valwish2uable lessons.

  • If you suspect him of lying or cheating don’t wait for evidence. Just trust your instincts and keep it moving.
  • If the sex is bad and there is no evidence that it will improve, leave. Nobody needs to take that kind of emotional trauma
  • If he can’t keep time, appointments, dates then chances are he’s a wasteman. Again, grab that purse and run. You aren’t here how to teach grown men how to respect your time. That was his parents’ job.
  • If he ignores your emails then, he’s not interested. Move on my precious.

I’m not saying men can’t change. They can. If they want to. And normally only when they are ready. You can’t make them do it any sooner. Stubborn

I wish you a year when a man tells you something nice then actually follows it up with actions that match.

I wish you a year where you find a man that compliments your life instead of making you think you have to sawish3crifice your fabulosity.

I wish you a year where you get to wear those delicious clothes you’ve been hiding at the back of the wardrobe because you are waiting for a special occasion.

So, I wish you a year of dating better. Of enjoying dating again instead of seeing it as a chore. Where dating compliments your lifestyle and you meet men that know how to behave.

Happy new year my precious x

© Chelsea Black 2016


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