I know that dating can be nerve wracking for some people. I don’t know why as at the end of the day you should be more worried that they impress you than whether or not you impress them but then, this is coming from the queen of first dates. I can do them in my sleep and often do have a little power nap / auto pilot moment for those who are so boring that I start wondering what noises Masterchef’s Greg Wallace is making that day. But what I’ve come to realise is that men don’t veer from the script much and so tend to ask the same stupid transparent questions. All of these questions are somewhat surprisingly about their chances of getting sex. So be warned my precious that what seems like a perfectly innocent question can be an attempt to get into your knickers. Quelle surprise!
1. Can you cook?
EVERYONE can cook. Hasn’t Jamie Oliver proved that? And all in 30 minutes too. (Dear Jamie, please note that shopping for ingredients, chopping and general phfaffing makes it closer to 3 hours but I understand that for catchy marketing purposes you had to lie to the British public)
Men love to throw out the old adage ‘a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’ but he’s not trying to give you his heart now is he? No he is trying to give you his head…no my precious, LOWER.
Asking if she enjoys cooking is fine but ‘can you’ is subjective. I think my cooked breakfasts are yummy but ask me to make curry goat or anything which requires spicing, marinating for days etc and you’re gonna see me reaching to call a friend or asking google.
Basically this is a potential wife question and therefore inappropriate on a 1st or 2nd date. One of my friends said to me that he wouldn’t date a girl who couldn’t cook or clean. Pity because those girls often can do both but chooses to spend time doing other things that ….he can’t do for himself. Get Nandos to do the cooking dear and then find other ways to feed her.
The real question he wants to ask and can’t is …will he have to get up and get dressed in between shagging sessions to refuel. Because if it’s a yes then he’s going to miss out on his post coital nap and be a grumpy git for the rest of the day. My advice is stock that fridge with guy friendly M&S food my precious and remember they don’t eat like we do. A couple of pieces of fruit and one chicken breast doesn’t keep his strength up for round 2. That said best you tell him that you’ll answer later and if round 1 was rubbish tell him you can’t cook or that you haven’t got anything in.
2. How is a girl like you still single?
This is meant to be a compliment but really isn’t. He’s trying to figure out what’s wrong with you. There are only a few options for why a girl is single. Either she’s
b) recently split from an idiot,
c) on a break (tired of the BS),
e) She’s not willing to settle for mediocrity
The majority of women are e). Men asking this question is redundant unless they are trying to figure out if you are crazy or bitter and therefore more likely to be a freak apparently. There are a lot of men out there who like bitter and crazy women. Angry and crazy sex are fine I guess if you aren’t able to evoke any other emotional response from a woman. But that suggests that you aren’t that accomplished a lover, right? Just a thought.
Can’t a girl be single because she is single anymore? Sometimes I say I’m not single and that my husband is waiting outside in the car with the kids. Can he watch then join in? Nothing ends a date quicker than the potential husband in a wardrobe with a camcorder scenario. Who knew there were so many shy men out there?
And note this my precious: whilst he asks this question he rarely answers it for fear of exposing a wife or girlfriend. I always ask for a definition of single just to be sure that we both mean the same thing
Tomorrow I have the 2nd part of stupid questions men ask. Are you adventurous being my least favourite. Hmmm, something tells me this could be a hat trick of blogs?
(c) Chelsea Black