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5 ways to kill a crush

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Categories: BLOG, DATING, Latest, Tags: , , ,

Why kill a crush? A crush is a warm delicious secret you hold dear to you in which you’re a size 8, they are available and you live happily ever after. You can ignore the fact that he doesn’t know who you are or that you’re in a relationship with a workaholic. Crushes are pure escapism. There comes a time in every young or old crushee’s life when the crush must die.

crushing a man But alas, sometimes you have to kill this protagonist of your imagination and move on. It’s harsh my precious but be brave. Here are my 5 ways to kill a crush

1)      Tell the crush that they’re your crush.

I do the whole confessional crush thing. The look of horror was enough to tell me that not only was the feeling not mutual but the thought appalled him. Nothing kills a crush quicker than knowing the person doesn’t even feel flattered by your crush. The other time I recall the crush target seized the opportunity to rinse social outings out of me. After a while people thought we were dating as we were always together but I was but a lowly social secretary. That realisation killed the crush. Their response will determine if the crush can survive.

2)      Find out about the real person behind your crush

So he’s cute and he said something vaguely insightful once. It’s all a little Frank Churchill in Emma when really you want Mr Knightley. What do you really know about your crush? I had a crush die recently when I found out that all of his plans were just pipe dreams. He’s now engaged to an average girl stuck in an average job. Where was the man who talked of reaching for the stars only 2 years ago? Where did his dreams go and are they lost in the same place as his gym membership? It’s the little things my precious. The potty belly and the empty talk.

3)      Fast forward your crush

Is your crush a now crush? Does he look like Idris Elba or whomever is the in celebrity of the time? What do you think he’ll look like in 25 years time? Chances are imagining your crush in their 50s and 60s isn’t going to bring you visions of Larry Lamb. Is he possibly a fat Marlon Brandon? Don’t take risks my precious. Your crush needs to have the genes for longevity. A fair weather crush must by definition crushing a man 2be short and die after a season or when the TV show ends.

4)      Get a new crush

Ah yes, the best way to get over one crush is to get under another. In fact, I’m an advocate of having more than one crush at a time. They all reside in different countries or postcodes so that I can keep tags on them and none of them can get jealous….in my head.

5)      Start dating

A controversial one indeed but often when you’re bogged down with actual relationship issues such as blanket hogging, missing toilet rolls and eating food fast enough to finish your plate you need a crush as a distraction. But when you’re dating you don’t have the time in between spa sessions and shopping for new ensembles to maintain the cyber stalking that a crush demands. So getting a real man can get rid of the fantasy one. And who knows, you may find a date that sticks around long enough to annoy you back into crushing.

Best of luck my precious and remember, a crush is something you control. If it’s not working for you anymore crush it and move on.

© Chelsea Black 2014


The Dating Representative

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Categories: A-sexy: Etiquette Guide, BLOG, DATING, Latest, Tags: ,

R is for: The Representative

So a friend and I organised a date between mutual friends. Both said they were looking for a relationship. Both are intelligent, attractive people. I had high hopes. The worst that could happen would be that they became friends, right?

Well my precious I’ve just gotten the feedback. I didn’t recognise either of them from the reports?  They are both fun loving and slightly reckless. The people I heard about were ……well boring!

So it got me thinking about the Dating representative. Something I haven’t quite mastered as I tend to talk and only think about how my numerous dating stories may sound to someone else. Yes I get it we put on our better clothes, make sure the hair is looking nice and we wear heels that are dangerously high because they make those 30 minutes of exercise look like you have a muscle in that calf…..but that’s as far as it should go surely.

Instead I am constantly hearing tales of misrepresentation. Like seriously you know you love vodka and the only church you’ve been to in years is that Sunday afternoon drinking joint with sawdust on the floor to better mop up the puke. So why are you on the water? And you love your sugar and a good bottle of plonk with your dinner So why are you denying yourself your favourite dessert and drinking one spritzer like you’re a cheap date?

It’s the wifey effect. You think if you act like he wants you to be then you will nab him. But let’s learn from shows like Big Brother. The Dating Representative isn’t sustainable. Eventually he’ll catch you in the bathroom at yours with half a cream bun stuffed in your mouth. It’s not elegant.

And men do it too. They start with the bombastic ‘big I am’ only for you to find that his house is his mum’s house and his business is, well still a pipe dream.

So let’s forego the Dating Representative. It is just too hard to keep it up despite what the movies tell you.

And ask yourself my precious, which alter ego do you send out on dates?

©Chelsea Black

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