Still single???

The Boringest of Questions

So.………Still Single?

Ah the question that insults and pities at the same time. Yes I’m still single thanks for asking. Until it changes and I take out a full ad in the Metro assume that things haven’t changed. You see no ring on my finger and I’m not using the plural. Being single is fluid.

Can we stop asking this Ask about my work (ok maybe not about my work) or ask about my holiday plans or ask about family but don’t ask about my sex status. It’s annoying.  I don’t ask you how your mediocre marriage is going. I assume if things have changed and he’s finally left you then, you would let us all know, right?

The Standard Solution Based Responses

The other evening I went to a networking group where I was asked this 4 times. Mainly by well meaning friends. It’s not a small talk question as the follow up is to try to guess why.

“Maybe you don’t go out enough.”

“You need to lower your standards.”

“Is it because you aren’t making the right effort?”

“Why don’t you try happn / tinder / bumble / e harmony ? I have a friend who did and now she’s married with 16 chickens, 2 children and a puppy.

“Don’t give up. I’m sure it will happen soon”

“It will happen when you least expect it!”

What’s with all of these ‘happenings’ like not being single is a monumental event. I’ve not been single so many times. Almost as many as I’ve been single. This is not landing on Venus folks. This is more slip and sliding on sweaty bodies until you get bored. Can we stop pretending it’s the second coming of Tevin Campbell please?

What Seems To Be The Problem Here?

What I slowly realised is that social media has killed the art of small talk as those who follow you think they know it all because you posted a few wastemen rants. That said we still think women’s worth should be measured by her single status. I asked one of the guys if his single status was ever questioned and he laughed at me. “Of course not, I’m a guy.”

The ones that piss me off the most are the smugly new couples. You’ve only just got a double bed and yet you’re making as if you’ve worked out a scientific cure for singledom. No, you met someone and now you’re less single. Let’s keep it real. He’s 3 hissy fits and a call from his ex away from leaving and you’re always on the look out for an upgrade. So let’s not chat shit. You can never afford to be smug in this modern age.

I wish them all a #stayblessed as I continue to fill my days up with things that I want to do, not things that I’m supposed to do in the vain hopes of ‘catching’ a man. But, the next time you finding yourself asking that question take a moment and think, why am I asking that when we could be talking about food?

© Chelsea Black 2019

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups