Ok so here’s is the deal. I tend to put a lot of hope and thought into Valentines Day. Don’t ask me why my precious. Even when married, its not like I got more than the standard card and something functional like a steps video for those wintery nights at home whilst I rushed around looking for 5 perfect gifts for our 5 imperfect years together.
But this year, this year was different, because not ONLY was I single for the first time in forever, I was seeing not one, but two delicious men. Call me greedy but I see it as portfolio diversification and I’m not one to preach but in a financial crisis a girl has to have options. Dinner options.
So the first one, Young Banker, was a hangover from 2008. A boy that proudly told me that he was a year older than last year. He booked me a whole 9 days before V day. I was almost impressed. He claimed not to be the same cheap, lazy young man who couldn’t be bothered to make an effort anymore. I claimed to be the same demanding chick who couldn’t cook.
So then he texted me with two hours to go to the meal and asked me if I had any food preferences? A tad late I thought. We met and made our way to dim t, Pimlico. On the way we passed a Nandos and he suggested that ‘we go there instead.’ I told him firmly that I supported Nandi’s every week and today, I wanted something more romantic.
I think he felt that all his efforts had been spent, as we sat to eat a meal where I chatted with my friend Sugar on Blackberry Messenger and he regaled me with tales of …erm; I really don’t remember any of them
At the end of the meal he proudly presented the waitress with his 2 for 1 voucher. She proudly told him that it didn’t work on the weekends. I reluctantly offered to pay for my share (£17.50) and only his reluctant refusal of my offer won him a space in the cab back to my place.
Once at home, just as I thought things couldn’t get any worse, he jumped onto my laptop and began to search porn sites. He couldn’t even be bothered to think up his own foreplay? That was it; the boy was shown the door.
Thankfully the day was saved by Guy 2 who accidentally sent my card to the address upstairs. It finally made its way downstairs (but I could feel my neighbour’s resentment steaming off the envelope she had tried to hastily stick back together.)
He then bought me chocolates, perfume and knickers. Now you know that red isn’t my colour girl, but when a man asks you to wear the gift for him, what’s one to do but buy a pair of matching red heels and fishnet stockings?
Bye for now my precious, I’m off shopping
© Chelsea Black