Singapore have made stealthing illegal. Stealthing is a common practise among men who think that the choice of condom use is theirs and theirs alone. You are not privy to this decision over your body. So they remove the condom and ejaculate into her instead.
I couldn’t tell you why they do it except that there is a thrill some men get in tricking women. They also rely on the condom breaking excuse if ever challenged. These men don’t like women . They love themselves.
Why it’s wrong
Morally / criminally
So here’s the problem with stealthing guys: You are breaching consent so it’s rape. It’s not some trick you are playing on her so that you can either get her pregnant or just feel the joys of unprotected sex. It’s a power play, about control and an insecure, immature need to win
I don’t remember much from Biology A level but I do remember that the chances of infections are much higher for women as the surface area is larger. (See, I did pay attention). Therefore not only is his pleasure paramount he doesn’t give a shit about your health. And let’s not forget all of the energy he transfers through his phallic tool.
Signs of Stealthing
There are a number of stealthing clues that you as women can watch out for but the honest truth is that if a man is set on doing this, there is very little that can be done at the time except report it. Here they are anyway
- He’s a bit of a dick and doesn’t listen when you ask him to do something during sex. It’s all about him. First and most essential clue
- Sex in the dark. In this day? Too 80s. You don’t need fluorescent window lighting but one assumes a man has mood lighting or one of those 70s lamps?
- Sex under the duvets. Like, seriously, why is his heating always broken?
- Sorting out his bits mid sex. Look for the pauses accompanied by hands.
- If you suspect him of stealthing then put your hand around his dick at the base. Can’t feel the condom? Tuck and roll out of there my precious.
- If he makes throw away comments about you being on the pill anyway. So? You don’t know where his dick has been.
- If he randomly talks when he’s fiddling then he’s trying to distract you. Also extremely loud music when he’s not living with his parents is weird to me but also another clue.
- It’s hard but most women can tell the difference between a sheathed penis and unsheathed. Again, if in doubt, base of penis will give you the answer. Pretend it’s an encouraging handjob.
- Once caught they either blame the condom manufacturers and try to claim that it’s a faulty condom. Hmmmm
- They are also likely to disappear, moving stealthily onto the next victim as you are no longer a challenge.
My stealthed experience
I thought back and realised that I’d been stealthed a number of times (let’s make it a verb as, the action is so very deliberate.) I’ve chosen one such example as it was the one that stands out.
TW: Horrible sexual description in 3,2,1….
I was dating a guy who insisted that we always have sex with the lights off. I never eally understood it as he was a good looking fella and shouldn’t have had any body issues. But, I’ve watched the programmes on body dysmorphia and didn’t want to be the one that made it worse. I’m not one to convince someone that they’re beautiful so, I went along with it. A couple of times and there was always this awkward pause during sex especially just before he caame. I thought he was having problems with Premature Ejaculation and was trying to control his hard on. He’d talk through it and I was thinking that it was all part of his pep talk. Come on tiger, you can do it sort of thing. It was a distraction .
I realised later that this was his moment of condom removal and me being impatient would usually take the lead in helping him along. However one day I clearly threw him so off his game that he didn’t manage to stealth me properly and instead ‘lost’ the condom. No prizes for guessing where. I gave birth to it 3 days later with contractions.
When questioned he told me that he thought I had the condom and never gave it anymore thought. He promptly disappeared from my life.
I don’t trust the courts to do anything for another few years as it’s hard to prove so, men don’t stealth. It’s rape. That’s all I’ve got.
© Chelsea Black 2019 4