On Married women

Ok in the spirit of honesty I have a bone to pick with you too. The problem is you have caught this rare species: a man willing to commit to marriage and spend £15,000 on a wedding. (fuHu, please note that this is just a minimum spend on the English wedding and doesn’t include 2 weddings in South Africa and another wherever you are from. I know that you understand that to propose means you have the appropriate financing in place. I beg you don’t ask my Dad’s permission and this hasn’t been agreed)

Yes I’m most probably jealous of you in your terraced house in zone 4 but I think YOU think your job here is done? It isn’t. I have a moral compass so stealing married men is not really my thing. I find them vaguely amusing but that’s it. However I can’t testify for the rest of the sisterhood. Pickings are uber slim. You’ve read the blog I’m not making these men up. Dating Recession is real and no more so than for the new divorcee.

So you need to stop withholding sex cos you’re angry. It’s not going to work for any of us. Sex is critical to the success of a marriage I don’t care what anyone says. Just because he’s not getting it from you doesn’t mean he’s not getting it even if it’s by himself with some buxom porn star. He’s getting it.

You need to keep a certain standard in looks. I know we think that we can let the legs grow hairy, burp and fart like a trooper now that we have him but no, that’s really not working.  Invest in some M&S control tops and don’t wear sweats all day every day.

As an ex-wife I’ll tell you why. Men are simple creatures. God may have given some of them strength (sorry to those with a chicken chest, he must have run out) but he didn’t give them much in the way of brains down below. Yes men have two brains and one is purely for sex.  So if his desire for you wanes then the chances of him looking elsewhere increases. Enter single woman!

I’m just saying that if you went to all of the effort you did to trap, I mean get him in the first place then the least you can do is go to the same effort of keeping him. Yes yes he has to do his bit too and often times they fail but looks and sex are easy so let’s not fuck this up.

Toodles

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups