So towards the end of the year I met a guy. Not true, I’d met him the previous year but as the Christmas parties begin we know that introverts come out of their shells to get themselves a winter warmer. Despite us having completely different lifestyles he decided that I was a potential wife for him. He wanted me to come and meet his mother. Oh rather he just wanted any woman to come and help him get his mother off his back. I tried to plead with him that theatre 101 had not been a class I’d done but he was not having it. Desperation can make men stubborn I learned.
I was vaguely flattered as often I’m propositioned as the mistress until he told me that he really just needed anyone and I would do. That’s when I realised that I could be equally stubborn. I was nobody’s last choice fake wife to be. This wasn’t going well.
We are just so different. He was really into Church and he didn’t mean the day time nightclub in Kings Cross or the other one in Muswell Hill and there’s another in Camberwellon a Fridays (see?!? I know Churches!) I realised that we weren’t really a match. Happy Heathen is me and Clappy Christian is he. It wasn’t grammatically correct but it rhymed and that seemed more important at the time.
But being the social person I am I remembered that one of my friends was also looking for what he wanted. So I tried to hook them up. I’m no Patti Stanger but I’ve tried this before. The secret to good matchmaking is coaching both parties. Otherwise someone goes rogue and it’s a whole other mess. He was keen (as I think he is keen on everyone) but turns out she was less keen. I was bummed as the only thing more satisfying than romance for yourself is to be the instigator or romance for others. This is somewhat a lie but let’s stick with it shall we? Make me sound altruistic and other delicious things I’m never quite sure I’ll ever possess.
Just as I was losing the will to live an old friend popped back into my life. Newly single she too was looking for a clappy to go forth and be happy with. Could this be the match I was looking for? The only problem is that neither of them are particularly forthcoming in the dating arena. I was going to have to bully them into it.
So one night as I was whatsapping them both I managed to get them to swap their numbers and talk to each other. And it’s not going too badly. They’re meeting up this week and will hopefully like each other and not have time to lament me with any of their non dating woes. YAY!
Ok so they didn’t meet up as they’re both dragging their heels on this one. I can’t with people who claim to be ready but then don’t want to go on dates. So what are you ready for? Someone to fall and trip on you on the tube and be all, hi, I’m your future? Doesn’t work like that. None of us are Gwyneth Paltrow (thankfully)
And me? Well yes, it has been another slow start to the year ahead but I have a date next week so, wish me luck my precious. Something tells me I’m going to need it. Matchmaking is fun but people aren’t always honest about what they want and how ready they really are.
© Chelsea Black 2015
P.S. They did meetup and it went well. They spoke a few times (mainly his moaning about work apparently) but then I took him to an event and he met someone else who is out of his league physically so of course he wants her and has neglected to keep the tempo with the one that actually wants him. But that’s what happens when you think you’re ready at 40 and you’re not. I wash my hands of him and wish him well. Back to me and my exploits !