This will be short and sweet as I’ve given up new year’s resolutions as a new year’s resolution but, I do feel that as it’s the first Monday of the year I have to put something out there so that the universe / god / semi stalkers on Facebook can hear me and give me what I want. If you don’t ask, you don’t get, right ?

  1. No more chocolate. Doctor’s orders.
  2. I will NYReat my Twix like a normal person biting the whole thing and not eating the biscuit first then rolling the caramel bit. This will enable me to eat Twix in public. Relax, Twix is a biscuit.
  3. No unnecessary exercising. Life is too short. Marathon training and gentle jogging to fight the fat genes but, that’s it. I’ve embraced my lazy exercising approach to life. No gym, no burpies, no pain
  4. Embrace the belly. Literally and figuratively. It’s not going anywhere anytime soon. You’ve won Maxine, budda belly. I surrender
  5. Write more, read less. This is the hardest one but the one I most need to conquer after the twix.
  6. Don’t watch any TV that hasn’t been vetted by at least 5 social media friends first and proven to be non homophobic, non racist, pro feminist and humorous. This could end up being a no TV one after I watched the big fat quiz over the holiday.
  7. Date more – apparently you have to be out there to meet him. Why can’t he do house calls like in the porn movies? Not stalker like house calls just, I hear you’re looking for a strong, confiNYR2dent man with a big cock and no baggage type house calls
  8. Date less – let’s face it dating isn’t really working for me. I’m 1 for 12 last year.
  9. Avoid the draining friends whose problems are always 20 times worse than yours
  10. Be more selfish. Say no when I don’t fancy doing shit for those that wouldn’t do it for me
  11. Wear less black. It stopped being slimming in 2010.
  12. Watch less porn….in the mornings. Just trying to be on time for days when I have to get to the plantation
  13. Watch quality porn. No more Eastern European or Russian décor porn with reject wigs from the 80s
  14. Stop dating dudes with more issues than a character in an 90s RnB video.
  15. Live fabulously.

As you can see from this exhaustive list it’s not going to be easy my precious. I have to change my whole way of thinking and being! But, I’m going to give it a good go and see how we get on. I’m already

NYR3

struggling with 1 after a Millies Cookies marathon last night. Sigh

Have a fabulous 2015 one and all. Thank you for tuning in x

© Chelsea Black

 

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups