This isn’t me chasing a celebrity crush or a married man. This my precious is a tale of a woman owed.

After the breakup dude still owed me money. It’s a funny thing when you lend someone money thinking ‘together forever’ when really they’re just a waste man and you happen to be the soft person that helps them pay those tricky things like cable and rent. I have to admit that I hate loaning money but I hate sitting in a flat and hearing the landlord knock on the doorjudge judy and phone for the rent even more. Yes, times were indeed hard. I learned a lot. Like when a man tells you they have a job you need to ask if it’s full time because 6 hours a week isn’t cutting it. Elsewhere we call that volunteering or an internship? It shouldn’t be my problem.

It was well evidenced that the money was owed. I don’t watch Judge Judy for the sake of my health. I had my emails, texts, viber etc. Yes he wasn’t clear on when he would pay me back but the ASAP suggested that it would be ASAP. I’ve also learned that you have to chase and chase hard in writing. The longer you leave it the less sympathy a judge will have for you.

As an aside Judge Milian from the People’s Court made a comment that she is constantly seeing women who havjudge miliane loaned money to men. It’s a sickness of our times that we think this is normal.

Then the excuses come. He had to wait for a refund. This is like the eternal, “I’ll pay you from my taxes excuse” It means it’s not going to happen. Then he had to put in an invoice. One month he wasn’t working at all so apparently that was my problem. I was clear, not my problem. That’s the beauty of a breakup. He should have waited until he had the money to become a complete douche. You need to plan your arseholedness people. Don’t spring that shit on people when you’re indebted.

Anyway this dragged on for 4 whole months which was longer than the official relationship. My stress and frustration were increasing. So I started to think….what if he refused to pay? Yes I had my emails and texts saved but we were in separate countries and the laws are different. I started doing my research about foreign small claims. The judge may argue that I couldn’t get any travelling costs so would it be worth going to the US to get my money back?

Then I saw an episode of Judge Mathis and thought, yes, he could help me. He’d probably chew me out for loaning a man who I suspected of having a drug problem and no proper job money but, that was a risk I was willing to taJudge Mathiske. I thought about my evidence and that all important question; what would I wear? Chicago is a harsh place in the winter so I’d have to push for a summer court date. Would I get to meet Doyle? All sorts of things ran through my head. Oh and getting my money back.

And just when I was about ready to give up….he paid me. My emails had started to get more suggestive that I wasn’t about to let this go. I had a whole social media plan B he doesn’t know about but may have guessed. Yes he got the last kick in the teeth by doing it by paypal echeque instead of directly but, I got my money or at least, I will do in 4 days when the cheque clears.

Don’t ever lend a man you’re not married to any money in which case it’s not a loan because you can’t loan within a marriage. Another lesson learned from Judge Mathis. Thank you Judge!

And now I’m going to work on my addiction to court TV. It’s going to be hard.

© Chelsea Black 2014

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups