Mr Handsome

 

black dateSo yesterday I was sitting at home in my usual semi naked state contemplating the fast approaching end to the weekend. Yes it sounds dramatic but I really don’t’ think Sundays are long enough. Just me?

Any hoo my phone rings and it’s a number I don’t know. I’m not in the mood for a random call but something tells me that I really don’t have much else to do today. Maybe it’s the 5 minutes I spent rearranging the biscuit crumbs on the table. So I pick up…..

Me: Hello?

Him: Hi, I don’t know if you remember me but we met some months ago? My name is XXXX

Me: Who?

Him: XXXX you know it was at a bankers event?

I wrack my brains for a bankers event. I hate bankers so I don’t go to their events. I think hard….

Me: Was it in St. Pauls?

Him: YES!

Me: Like 3 years ago?

Him: No. It was in Holborn 5 months ago. It was for bankers and people who work.  You were hosting.

Me: A black professional’s event?

Him: YES!

At this point we have established that he doesn’t know London that well and that he thinks any event is about bankers.

Him: So I took your number but I’ve been busy so I’m calling you now.

Me: You were busy for 5 months?

Him: I was in Africa

Me: For 5 months?

Him: Anyway….I just wondered how you were doing?

Me: What do you look like?

Him: I can’t believe you don’t remember me !

Me: Dude, it was 5 months ago.

Him: Still….. (begins to sulk)

Me: (patronising tone) Well maybe if you had called 5 months ago I would have remembered you. Now tell me, what do you look like?

Him: Well I hate to blow my own trumpet but I’m rather handsome.

Me: Bursts out laughing at his joke.

Him: A lot of people tell me I’m handsome. Especially women.

Me: (realising that he’s serious) so you’re handsome.

Him: (emphatically) Yes. I am. I’m handsome.

Me: I see. So what were you doing in Africa?

As he drones on about his trip and his disappointment at not seeing a certain president I get a visual….he’s not handsome.

Me: Were you the one that asked me when you should call and I said anytime but not after 10pm?

Him: YES! That’s me. You remember me!

Me: Er, yeah I do.

He goes on for a while about the meaning of life and I start playing spider solitaire.

Him: So when can we meet up. What are you doing today?

[scratch record]

So this dude thinks he can call me after 5 months and see me instantaneously?

Me: I’ve got guests coming in from out of town. They should be here any minute now. But I’ll be free after next weekend.

Him: So what about we meet on Thursday?

Is this guy stupid? I just said after the weekend?

Me: No, my guests leave on Friday. I won’t be free until after the weekend.

Him: What are you doing over the weekend?

Me: Enjoying some me time. I’ve got to catch up on Scandal and some work and just chilling in my space.

Him: You don’t want to come and hang out with me in Turnpike Lane?

Me: (horrified) No! I want to watch Scandal.

Him: Oh come on, it’s only a TV show. Can’t you spare me a few hours?

Me: No I can’t spare you a few hours. I have plans!

Him: (sensing defeat) Oh ok I’ll call you in the week and we’ll make plans.

Me: Ok, whatever (fuming into the phone)

Him: So when shall I call you?

Me: Whenever! Dude, I’ve got to go.

And thus ends another typical conversation.

images 2My 3 questions are:

  1. Why does he think it’s reasonable to call someone after 5 months then get upset when you don’t remember him?
  2. Why does he think he is more important in my life than Scandal? Seriously?
  3. Why does he think he’s so handsome?

Any insight would be greatly appreciated

© Chelsea Black

 

 

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups