Mr Ex Comic

So last year I had a short relationship with a man child. He was a lot younger, even more immature and did this thing where he would disappear or forget things he’d said he was going to do. Difficult things like calling, calling back, turning up on time, booking a holiday. Sound familiar? Yes, I was dating a wasteman. It ended after he called me at 3am on my birthday to tell me how amazing Iron Man 3 was. Yes, that guy. He forgot to think that 1) I may want my sleep and 2) to wish me Happy Birthday. He was a gambler, addicted to comics and had some baggage from a previous relationship.

Mister ExI didn’t really have a reason to see him after we broke up but as he worked close to one of my favourite hangouts we bumped into each every once in a while. He hinted about getting back together but, as he was still living in his mum’s spare room I just didn’t see how this was going to work out. Nothing had really changed and, I’m claustrophobic? I did the old, let’s be friends bit and promptly blocked his number from my phone.

At Christmas he finally caught up with me and said my phone always went to voicemail. I explained that he was blocked which seemed to shock him but, enough time had gone by and I agreed to unblock him. See my precious? I’m not completely heartless.

But, when I was offered some comics I thought, there’s an opportunity here to make some money. They were in good condition and I’m not one to miss out on a business op.! I called up Mr Comic Book to find out which titles I should get. There’s holding a grudge and then there’s assuming you know something about The Avengers when you’re more Nicholas Sparks.

He gave me a (looooong) background to each of the titles and then started dropping in statements about the things ‘we could do.’ Wait, we? I just called you as a friend? I saw where this was going and I quickly told him I had to go and carried on negotiating on the comics. Let’s just say that I hit a sweet deal.

Later that night he called me. Oh great, he’d seen an opening and would use this to get back in. I wasn’t impressed. More than a year since the breakup he thought I’d be amenable to reconciliation? Oh hell no. I wasn’t having it. I braced myself for the begging, the rationalisation, the big gestures….I was in between crushes and clearly had some time on my hands. I couldn’t see us getting back together but, maybe he was going to come up with something irresistible.

After I ignored his voicemail he sent me an urgent text asking if he could come over. Seriously? He didn’t even want to woo me? I asked him what for and he said, “So we can go through the comics and I can help you pick the ones that you can get rid of.” Get rid of…so not only did this dude not want to get back together he wanted to rid me of my precious comic loot! So I wasn’t even going to get a little something something? Wow

And so I learned that like any addict his love of comics was strong enough for him to forget that we didn’t like each other.

©Chelsea Black 2014

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups