I do enjoy a good crush. This one was lovely. Funny, intelligent, within the 45-minute dating zone, looked strong enough to carry me for at least 12 seconds. You know, the important stuff that day dreams are made. He had more than potential. He was everything. I couldn’t imagine not having him in my daily musings.

But then I found out that said Crush was not only a misogynist but also racist and homophobic. How did I find this out, you ask? Through the glory that is Social Media. I travel 4 hours a day to work. I have the time Boo!

At first I thought he was just your typical philosophy posting dude who constantly told me what to do through memes (Be the love you want to see blah blah blah.)

But then I noticed that way too many of his posts were cute little ‘jokes’ about marginalised groups or shock jock news articles. Trying to pull the bigotry and negative judgement from others. He was showing random signs of being a PIP – a politically incorrect penis.

Caution – Politically Correct Area Ahead

Then we had the disparaging / ignorant comments on Africa, the fat shaming, the slut shaming. We couldn’t ever work. I’m a curvy, African slut. And he must never ever be famous and try to denounce his old positions because the internet keeps receipts. Now I know some off you think we are PC mad and it’s all too much but, I like it. It keeps us safe from power dynamic comments. Embrace it.

As highlighted in the Brexit piece, it’s hard dating someone who is blatantly politically opposite to you. It’s worse when he doesn’t even realise it and claims it’s not that serious and it’s just a joke. How many bigoted jokes does one need to tell to feel better about their own insecurities?

Yes it’s lovely to joke but what’s often said in jest to lighten the slur doesn’t wash anymore. It’s lazy humour. Like most of Netflix stand up.

The other day I had to block him as he continued to defend celebrities who don’t even know he exists such as R Kelly and Chris Brown. It’s all a conspiracy and these women are out to get a brother. R Kelly is an uncle but, I digress. Nobody is out to get them. They’re tripping over their own abusive penises. (Wait, brain freeze…is the plural of penis penises or penes or penis’? Let me go look…….. Hmmm it’s penises)

I’m sad because he seemed to be the whole package. It’s like when I had to give up Haribos because of their slave labour links. Or the time I gave up Dove products because of their dodgy racial advert or the time when I stopped ……so many things. So how can I not block penis? I can’t but I can be sad about it and mourn the end of some delicious daydreams right? I’m crushed  

20 seconds later – I am mourned. I don’t need to go through 8 stages of crushing or 5 ways to get over the crush. I dry up at the waste of time now. Winning!

Engaging new people is hard enough without you having to watch your mouth. Be yourself Boo. But if yourself is a dick then don’t be surprised if people don’t want to deal with you. I’m not suggesting that anyone fake being PC to get some (let’s be honest, we all send our representative to the first date) but at least learn to have normal conversation in a public space.

Now, to find a crush who doesn’t lead with his PIP. Wish me luck!

© Chelsea Black 2019

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups