We could argue that there isn’t a THE ONE. That there are many ones. That some of us will settle the onefor he’ll do, let’s keep it moving. A lot of people ask how I will know that this man is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. It’s not an easy question as seriously, the older I get the less fussy I should be but alas, like all women I have a list.  And mine is long. Let’s assume that he’s a decent human being who is not abusive, cheap or someone with the sort of face his mother winces when she sees him.  All that being said, Universe, this is my demand, I mean, wish list for FuHu (Future Husband)

  1. He must never say #NoHomo unless it’s ironic and even then he must state that it’s ironic so that all are clear. And even then I don’t want there to be some confusion as to what ironic means. It’s best he just doesn’t say it. #RealTalk is another one.
  2. He must be able to spell and write full sentences that won’t shame me when he sends emails to the school demanding that our kid be Mary in the school play. Even if that kid is a boy.
  3. He must be into hugs. Big bear hugs spontaneously given. Kisses too but mainly hugs especially when I’m moaning and he knows that it’s a hug and not a solution I’m after
  4. He must love the idea of doing a stupid first wedding dance Milli Vanilli  / London Boys style. I don’t expect him to have his own cycling shorts. I will provide them.
  5. He must know who Milli Vanilli (RIP Rob) and London Boys are and not patronise any of my pop music tastes. In fact he thinks it’s a cute quirk but it’s ok that my music collection is in a box and not on the shelf.
  6. He must be a man of size.
  7. He needs to understand that when we visit Africa he will be fed and fed and fed. This is love.
  8. He must drive. I can’t drive so this is his contribution to raising superstar kids with huge extracurricular timetables.
  9. He must say, “Fancy dress? Yeah, why not?” and discuss costumes all night.
  10. He must love zone 1 and never ask me to leave unless it’s for Manhattan, Paris, Monaco or a hot island.
  11. He must love me as much as I love him.
  12. He must not cheat.

That’s it. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. But we shall see. I’m willing to accept that he may not LOVE fancy dress. I’m flexible my precious. I would even consider moving to zone 2.

I’m all heart.

© Chelsea Black

 

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups