In bed with FHM and Tulisa

Don’t forget to tune into In Bed with Chelsea tonight on playvybz.com 10pm -midnight.

Remember my piece on Tulisa and the blackberry? We were meant to believe that this was an ex getting his own back yet like all the other sex tapes before them this has propelled her into a sex goddess and meant that men apparently find Tulisa more attractive. I now believe that the timing of the blackberry blowjob and her being announced sexiest woman in the Galaxy were all part of a publicist plan to make her some sort of superstar when she really was the girl who danced at the back trying to get a hook or a melody in as Dappy pranced around annoying everyone.

I know that Tulisa is a pretty girl in a chavvy chic way. You know that recent make over, Tweedy Chav (aka Cheryl Tweedy Aggravated Assault Cole) is my idol and I’ve paid for the best publisher that money can buy way. But sexiest woman? Do me a favour.

No this has shown that someone at FHM has been bought or is sleeping with someone in team Tulisa. I would like to know how much for because as stupid and easily duped as I think most men are Tulisa does not have the boob job to win sexiest woman on 4 planets (not including Venus cos they have their own league and see themselves as the Venezuela of the planets). I had my money on Hit girl from Kick Ass, a computerised Lara Croft type, Scarlett Johansson after her Avengers thingy or even that Amy from Towie would have made more sense because unless FHM have gone through a huge rebrand those are their readers not guys who stay in watching X factor with their Mums.

The fact that there is so much disbelief means that the public for once can’t be fooled. Like if that little Ray Quinn had won X factor and Leona had come second we would have seen a massive ratings drop. Some things just aren’t believable.  This also means that every chav will now think they too have a chance of making it with half a makeover and a great publicist. I’m tired of them all already.

That is all I have to say on the matter until she wins the mayoral elections or becomes the face of Dark and Lovely or something equally as annoying. Oh I’m guessing some ghost written books will be coming out. I’ll probably comment then

And how many copies of FHM have been bought as women and men protest against this travesty…..yes I thought so. Another Simon Cowell publicity stunt gone right.

©Chelsea Black

 

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups