I me wed  So last night a movie was recommended to me on youtube. It’s my own fault as I was clearly searching for all things Hallmark and this movie was Lifetime.

It was bad. There were too many forced characters. The romance was stilted and tried too hard and I hated the protagonist. The script was awful and I fell asleep after18 minutes. An insomniac’s dream?

But, this morning I finished watching it because what if the ending wasn’t what I expected? What if this was the movie where the boy and girl didn’t realise that she was making a big mistake and then live happily ever after?

Let’s go back. It’s about a woman that flips houses and is accused of flipping men just as fast. I thought this was nice. I’ve always wanted to be a flipper. Her friend is desperate to marry but she’s fairly happy with life. So happy with life that she decides to marry …..herself. It shocks everyone around her, she goes on TV to explain her theory and forgets to tell her new boyfriend who isn’t the gormless contractor’s son but actually a man with a Masters in Architecture and a love of Antiquing. That sort of man that doesn’t lie in on a Sunday! I know my precious. He sounds horrendous.

In the end she can’t say I do to herself with all the big hoopla ruining the dreams of her gay bestie. Yes, the obligatory wedding planning gay bestie is in the movie too. I won’t tell you how it ends. But it’s not too different from every other movie with an annoying soundtrack and a rushed script.

It got me thiI me wed 2nking. Would I want to marry myself. I mean I complain a lot about the men I date but does that mean I think marriage to yourself is an option? Honestly, I think I would do it for the reception alone. I don’t need the public declaration of being a singletini outside of social media and even if I do it doesn’t have to be a permanent state of being surely. So I would do it as an excuse to dress up and drink champagne. This is also known as every fancy dress party I’ve ever held.

I do think we also have to move away from the notion of being able to do everything alone. It’s great not to need a man for everything but someone needs to chase away spiders and mice and whatever else I don’t care to engage with. Someone needs to be there for you to take half their suitcase worth of space on holiday. I can’t get everything into one suitcase. Low budget is criminal. Someone needs to be there to taste test all of those meals you see on Masterchef and now think that you can recreate. Apple soI me wed 3up anyone?

Yes, we are in the midst of a dating crisis caused by the internet, apps and the increase in stock of the black male in media. I blame Hollywood for everything including bad movies that encourage women not to settle for the guy with the belly who’s obsessed with tags on clothes. Actually I just blame Idris Elba.

And I need to stop watching badly made crap on youtube

© Chelsea Black 2014

 

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups