March 5, 2012 by

I apologise

7 comments

Categories: A-sexy: Etiquette Guide, DATING TIPS, Latest, Tags: , , , ,

I Apologise

A is for Apology

So he creeps back into the bed thinking she is asleep and then her eyes pop open. The next morning he admits to having been with someone else and says….I’m sorry. And Halle Berry says “Yeah you’re sorry. You’re sorry and you’re tired” And I never ever get tired of that line in Boomerang.

I’m not sure when it became law that men couldn’t or wouldn’t control their sexual urges. That they are so overcome by the mere sight of delicious cleavage or sexiness they crash cars or walk into lampposts. I blame perfume adverts.

I’ve written about strangers touching you in the Butt Effect but I still don’t get it. Our bodies are part of our heritage but they don’t belong to everyone. I don’t see a member of the opposite sex and reach out and stroke his cock. Oh the time I could save if I did….but I digress.

The other night I was hosting a party and a guy I had met a few times grabbed my butt. I asked him to remove his hand and he said something along the lines of “Well what do you expect? I’m drunk and you’re wearing that.” As his friends encouraged him by laughing I walked away. I was too tired to explain why he was a twat and not even worthy of an explanation.

Sensing my displeasure (ie I didn’t talk to them for the rest of the night) he and his friend later came to apologise. And here is where I take umbrage at the male of the species. An apology doesn’t rectify what you did. Oh you need to know how to apologise because you WILL need to. Trust me. But an apology should be saved for when you forget something that you should have remembered like the anniversary of the day you first said I love you , in which case say it with flowers and jewellery. Or, that moment when she tells you, “Don’t stop I’m about to come!” and then you finish….prematurely.  Please note that this can only be used once every 6 months. An apology shouldn’t be used as a quick fix to your craven Neanderthal actions.

I’ve had time to think about it and this is how that scene should have played out. He grabs my butt and I turn into a female Katy Kuba heel wearing Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon, kick him into the wall then floor, rise like an angry budda (belly) into the air and land on him crushing his ribs. Of course I would never do this for fear of ruining my precious Katy Ks. As he writhed on the floor in agony I would lean over, really close and whisper…… “I’m sorry”.

© Chelsea Black A-Sexy

Join me and @MissTeeOffical for In Bed with Chelsea on www.playvybz.com every  Wednesday 10pm  – Midnight.

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups

7 Responses to I apologise

  1. Breezy

    Or you could have turned around looking coy and kneed him in the nuts and then apologised for him and stated that was your reply to his soon to be given apology…LOL

    • chelseablack Post author

      My darling Breezy do you not remember I used to play football. A knee in the balls and he may be speaking in tongues for a very long time. But I’ll try it and when he says why I’ll either whisper “You know why!” OR I will say “Breezy told me to do it”

  2. IceQueen

    Boomerang has and will always be one of my favourite films, finally someone who appreciates it as much as I do!

    Saying sorry is pointless if you knew what you was doing was wrong…..

  3. michaela costello

    lol, Love it, and love the film Boomerang too, though I think a better line would be, you’re sorry and you’re homeless!! xx

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