So last week I had a date. I call it a date as he paid for lunch and when I did the purse reach (I was raised well) he said, “Don’t worry, you can get the next one.” Cliché but effective. I put away the card with my bank manager smiling down on me.
Let me go back to how I knew this guy. I was at the mediocre ACCBE conference (4 days of my life that I will never get back) and in the final hour a guy approached and started talking to me. I think his opening gambit was whether or not I had done anything remarkable with my life. Well when asked like that one has to be lie and say yes, right?
Anyway we swap details and later that day he drops an email saying he’d checked out my website and we definitely had something to talk about and could I watch this video. It was a video of his best man’s speech. He chased me to watch it and reluctantly I did and….it was hilarious. Really creative and unique.
He tells me that this is why he sent it. He wanted me to trust him. Hmmmm, clearly he hadn’t read the Chelsea Black blog bless him. So we banter back and forth, have a 2 hour conversation which was hilarious although there were a few worrying elements but then, we make a date for Friday.
The bits that worried me was that he had 3 kids and was younger than me. So clearly this wasn’t my FuHu. Then he said he found reading boring and that he hated thick books. But that he didn’t mind audio books. I let this slide with a minimal fight because ultimately I do love a good book but I may not be able to sell it to everyone.
Finally we had a bit of a debate about university and entrepreneurs. He hadn’t been and had this theory that successful entrepreneurs didn’t go? Huh? I told him that this was crap. There were a couple of digs about me being a bit posh which I ignored and we were set. He did mention that he had a thing for fast cars. Like Porsches. I told him I rode in a boxster with warm seats. That was the extent of my car knowledge. I was more Oyster and Black cab? But this man reminded me of a black porsche. Too slick, too fast and dangerous. I mean he tried to change lunch to lunch at mine. I told him that was cheeky.
Then I didn’t hear from him for a week. I figured the date was off but the day before I got a confirmation. Result.
The date started off well then we started talking about music. He mentioned a South African artist and I tried to describe her style. I think I said, “She’s like a south African Tracy chapman. You know, natural, guitar, and a singer songwriter.” Then he said, “Who’s Tracy Chapman?”
I didn’t even bother to entertain this. I told him he had to be kidding me. Was I being punk’d? That wasn’t even a reasonable question. He said something about recognising her if he saw her but I was all over it.
The date went downhill from there. I mean we tried to salvage it but I just kept thinking, this guy doesn’t read, he thinks certain trivial things are posh like living in SW London and he doesn’t know who Tracy Chapman is? But I’m not one to give up that easily. He is tall and hot as all fuck so not a FuHu but a possible FB? Just limit the pillow talk? I could adapt my plans. Don’t judge my precious, it has been 4 months!
Eventually we parted ways. I got a text to say he had a lovely time and I said that I did too. I said that he may just be too cool to know who Tracy Chapman was and he replied that he wasn’t cool, he was just DUMB. Maybe I laid it on a tad too thick?
I haven’t heard from him since. I’m guessing it was more Crash car date than Fast Car?
© Chelsea Black