I’m going to have to kick off with a disclaimer. I don’t have anything again people with gold teeth. I just think it looks horrible especially on incisors. I know, I know. It’s my issue. My hang up and my therapist and I have it on the list of things to get to….in 2020. Which is why I was surprised to find myself snogging Goldie on Saturday night.

Let’s go back. I was out at a party, met some random guys in a bar and ended up in Vauxhall as you do. So technically I met Goldie on Sunday morning as it was about 7am. He told me later that when he first saw me he though I was a Lizzy (lesbian) or a drag queen. This didn’t go down too well. But then Goldie realised that I was neither. Instead I was two bottles of Prosecco worse off so really can’t remember how we got to talking but as all my new friends had copped off there really wasn’t anything for me to do but be charming. Don’t judge my precious. I was trying to not think about having a McDonalds breakfast. My constant battle.

Turns out Goldie was a plumber and he was quick to tell me that he wasn’t gay or bisexual. I shrugged as by this time the McDonald cravings were getting worse  and I told him I had to go. He wanted to take me home…..how was I going to get him to do a McDonalds drive thru? And everyone knows you can’t have sex after McDonalds. No I couldn’t risk it. We exchanged numbers and I left. He followed me outside and tried again and I told him that I really wasn’t that kind of chick and went to get a cab. A cab driver wouldn’t judge my early morning cravings. Yes I played the indignant good girl card. Bless, he fell for it.

And so my precious I managed to get in my snog and a McDonalds breakfast. All in all I would say a Golden morning.

Needless to say I assumed that I wouldn’t hear from Goldie but 2 days later I got the call. Which is when I started to realise that maybe it was a good thing that I’m more greedy than I am horny. I’m still not sure that I understand how men think. Goldie part 2 coming soon…

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups