keep-calm-and-crush-the-patriarchyUpdate on 2 week crush a month later. He wasn’t in a minor accident as I had hoped. He mentioned something about his allergies. I don’t know what allergies can be so bad that your fingers can’t text. I’ve seen people text from an ambulance gurney. Just saying. I side eyed the message and told him he was the comeback kid. He thought this was a compliment and now happily refers to himself as the comeback kid now. This doesn’t bode well in terms of our GSOH compatibility but…ok.

He’s not the only one. There’s the old fuck buddy desperately looking for a way to make it more even though I’ve told him that it will never happen. Then there’s the ex man child who claims he’s mature now that he’s nearly 30 and can grow half a beard. I hate this beard nonsense. I hate men that don’t disappear and stay disappeared even more. What am I on some sort of 6 month rotation calendar?

Back to 2 week crush: I noticed that the interaction during the World Cup was determined on which team won. After Nigeria and England were knocked out he was so choked up with emotion that his hands became paralysed and he was unable to write at all! I put this intermittent vibering to him being crushcrushmore emotional than most. I know my precious; the excuses we tell ourselves.

But when I was away I got a fair bit of attention from him. By this I mean he used the free software viber to kill my data usage and cause me to fret about my next phone bill. It was something and I shouldn’t complain in these dating recession times. I kind of liked it. He was thinking of me. I refuse to believe that he was just bored after the end of the World Cup. His messages were flirtatious and he promised me so much when I got back to the UK. I mean, did this mean an actual date? It’s only been a year of stopping and starting, crushing and being crushed. Surely this would be it? Yes indeedy he was telling me to get ready because he was ready. He used the word READY! I was excited. Of course I didn’t tell anyone because we had been here before and it hadn’t gone anywhere. I’m learning my precious, slowly but surely.

But then, it stopped again. Now I’m getting the odd ‘thinking of you’ text. The ‘just a quick hello / goodbye I’m thinking of you’ text. I’m curious. Who is keeping him on lock down that he can never call? Why does he think it’s ok to tag me with these pithy offerings and be a complete head fuck? I’m too grown for this nonsense.

Why can’t he just say he doesn’t have the time / inclination / capacity / single status for me right now? Why am I still entertaining him and getting excited when the message sound sounds? Is this a life of a thirty something dater who figures that 60% of “the list” is worth compromising on basic respect and communication? What have I become? I’m done!

I guess there comes a time when you have to say fuck it and crush the crush for good because it’s become more of a cringe when you tell people that, a month on, fuck all has happened. I’ve known courtships between teenagers long distance to move faster than this. I watch Catfish.

That’s it! I’m going to have to be proactive and block him. There is nothing worse than being constantly played by some man who thinks your time isn’t precious. It’s like constantly late people. Let’s change the narrative. Or maybe I should just remove viber from my phone?

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups