So a few months ago I ‘dated’ a dude who looked good on paper. You know, good looking, educated, working, had a phone contract? And then we broke up because you know, he thought lying was telling the truth and that sex meant he came and I lay there afterwards dreaming of the days when the tube ran 24 hours a day so I could go home and catch up on porn. It wouldn’t be sustainable. More on him and his type of trouble another time. What I did notice was the reaction of some friends when I told them I was letting him go. The panic was real. Apparently letting any man go these days is wrong because, I’m single, older and there aren’t many good men out there? Fuck this, let’s go throfrenemies 2ugh some of their lines:

But he’s a good man!

I’m sure he’s good some of the time but most of the time to me he was a complete dick. Well, not quite 8 inches but, over the 7.5 threshold of acceptability. I’m getting distracted. The fact of the matter is that he wasn’t good to me and yet I’m meant to take his education and work credentials to mean that he will be good sometime in the future? Na

You need to mould him.

What is this, a bad scene from Ghost? We are talking about men over 32 ( the maturity threshold) and therefore basically what you see is what you get. I don’t want him to try to change me (I’m practically perfect like Mary Poppins) so he mustn’t try to change me. Why is this still a thing where we think men are mouldable. They’re the most stubborn creatures you’ll ever meet. They just do it with stealth. Go check that closet and see if he threw out any of his pre relationship clothes.

You’re not getting any younger

Yes I know whicfrentrans - Copyh is why with age comes wisdom and the knowledge that sticking it out with someone that isn’t right for you is going to end badly. But thanks for dragging my eggs into this.

You’re just too fussy.

If a woman enjoys being lied to and, I really don’t, then fine. Do you boo boo and leave me to do me. I am no fussier than the next woman. Yes I have standards but, when did it become a bad thing.

And then it hit me. Some of my frenemies aren’t happy and the worst thing I could do is be happy whether that be in a relationship or out. So they suck in their breath and mutter about how hard it is out there for a woman (it’s not that hard. You work on any street in London and you trip over mediocre dick) and how you need to hold onto the gooduns. Holding onto a man has never really worked for anybody has it?

I suspect some of them wanted him or wanted me to suffer with him to make themselves feel better about their situations. But I can’t be sure because I can’t be arsed to ask them or question their motives. They’re just frenemy quarantined.

So try not to listen to anyone but yourself my precious. Needless to say as ex persists in contacting me they say stupid things like, maybe you were too harsh / hasty but no, I was just too honest and appafrenemies - Copyrently some of you heffas can’t cope with that?

That last sentence was dedicated to the letter H

© Chelsea Black 2015

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups