So I’m chatting to one of my many male friends and he tells me that women are confusing. I sigh and roll my eyes. Like seriously, this again. I gently womansplain to him that if she says nothing is wrong then you messed up! But then he tells me it’s not those women he’s worried about. He’s cracked passive aggressive. It’s the women who don’t flirt. I don’t understand because I’m shy and even I can see without hesitation, flirting isn’t hard (no pun)

Huh?

So I’m confused. Why are women so not flirting? I ask him what he means and he tells me that he met a woman some years back and they hung out a few times and then it petered out. They recently bumped into each other and she revealed that she had really liked him back then but that he didn’t make a move. So,  in his mind, she didn’t flirt with him. I ask him if he flirted with her and he said no he was friendly and respectful. It soon became apparent that these two idiots didn’t know how to Flirt and were wasting both of their time.

People, it’s 2020. Can we just say what we want and stop the guessing game? Men aren’t good at it. Women aren’t good at it This is not an episode of Deal or No Deal. This is connection.

What is Flirting?

Flirting is signalling your intentions that you like this person. You’re making it clear to the other person that you like them more than a friend. As a Taurean I tend to be direct and just say, ‘I want more than Netflix. Where’s my chilli?’ (I actually could just be hungry…I dunno. I guess it’s confusing.) but most people flirt with their bodies and words which are more subtle. The BEST zodiac flirts? Air signs.  Also the best timewasters but that’s a whole other post.

How to flirt

It sounds really obvious but lighten up. Flirt with your eyes, smile, ears (listening not wiggling) and mind. Be clear that you don’t need new friends but be friendly. Don’t treat them like your Gay Bestie then wonder why they’re not flirting with you

Be funny but not a comedian. There’s nowt like the friendzone non kiss of death i.e you’re hilarious, you’re cute, you’re such a good friend. I wish I could find a man / woman like you. Be tactile but not creepy (don’t touch her arse guys. It is not encouraging of warm feelings)

So tell the person you like them. Ask them out on a date not just for a hang out. State your intentions and accept the fact that you may get rejected (Only me and Black Jesu know how many times I’ve heard that they want to fuck but they’re just not seeing me as more or that they prefer white women or that they’re not ready for a relationship but are married within the year. Trust me. I’ve faced rejection. You survive believe it or not).

But above all have fun. Flirting is the fun stage of your communication. Something you will rely on later when you really need them to fix your electric blanket or run to the shop for chocolate. Or when you want her to take care of you during a bout of man flu or to cook your favourite cheesecake which takes a whole day. You need to learn to flirt. Be natural and genuine but don’t be a dick. Trust me, flirting is not hard if you’re able to put your pride and ego to the side.

Enjoy! I’m off to see if we can salvage this old connection.

P.S. Happy New Year to the regular readers . Mwaah x

 © Chelsea Black 2020

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups