Fearless dating

So I’m constantly being asked about dating. I didn’t understand why it’s such a big deal after the initial reluctance to get back out there is overcome. But then slowly I’ve come to realise that some people have a real fear of dating. When did this happen? Gone are the days when a date was just a drink or dinner with 2 people. Now there are a whole load of anxieties, expectations and unnecessary pressures that just weren’t there before. Maybe it’s an age thing but I urge all the women out there to rethink their whole approach. So what if he’s not a match? You say thank you and keep it moving. If he’s awful then grab your purse and run but know that some communities are small. You will see him again unfortunately.

I have spent dates sitting there thinking of all the reasons this man is not the person I want to have sex with let alone breed with. But then after the top 3 reasons I move onto the things I like about him and if nothing else it’s another person I add to the network of people I can call upon, right? Some you do just have to let go of and say thank you but lose my number but most have something really nice about them they’re just not for you. Chemistry and attraction are rarely growers. Like job interviews you know almost immediately.

Men seem to struggle less with the concept of dating. One of my exes was so comfortable with dating that he was seeing 8 or 9 women at any one time. How he managed to find the time is the real question but as they were geographically scattered it was really just his phone bill that suffered. Another, my ex hubby went to 3 speed dating events, met little miss new boobs on the 3rd, moved her in, wed her and got her pregnant all in a year. No faffing around with that one. So there are different ways of dating but what I’ve noticed is that men don’t approach it as something that is fraught with anxiety. Because it really isn’t.

It is about finding the proactive dating mode that works best for you. You have referral dating, online dating, networking dating and my personal favourite random dating. After 42 hours of Plenty of Fish I recognise that traditional online dating isn’t going to work for me. That said I do well with networking dating and random dating. I say do well I mean quantity not quality.

Others spend a few weeks online and they have dates lined up for the summer. We are all different. But please don’t sit at home coming out with lines about where are all the good men and why is it so hard to meet anyone decent when you’re not even trying my precious. Date fearlessly and you too will discover that you have to kiss a lot of Nando covered frog lips before you meet your home cooked meal prince.

© Chelsea Black

 

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups