So as I’ve accrued more and more singletini time (sorry my precious but I’m at work looking at boring annual leave spread sheets) I’ve noticed that certain people in your life start to panic for you. You’re ok. Life has never been better but friends and family think that if you don’t hurry and get yourself a man (or boy) you’re find none left on the shelf. They accuse you of being too fussy, having too many items on your list, not giving people a fair chance. Fair? Dating can feel like warfare and you want to give people a fair stab at it? This is a life partner you’re talking about but let’s interview them like it’s an administrative summer position shall we?
Let’s be clear; being single is a choice. Anyone can be in a relationship. Trust me I’ve been in some ones where I’ve questioned the human quota of the person I’m with. Being single is an active choice defying the need to attach yourself to just anyone.
All the singletinis I know are busy. They have lives, hobbies, life goals that don’t centre around Finding FuHu. Yes it would be nice to have that partner who compliments your life but do you HAVE to go through what you know will be medicore dating until he finally figures out that you’re the one he can’t live without? No.
Whenever I have a man in the aura I have to explain to everyone exactly why it won’t work. It’s like being cross examined. I’ve learned that mental health, substance abuse, physical abuse and a work shy ethic (artists who aren’t making or trying to make any money from their art. Mainly rappers) are the only things that they’ll accept as reasonable excuses for not going on a second date. I can’t tell her that there’s no chemistry, that he had a sniff of homophobia or that he didn’t smell right. Ok I’ve gotten away with the smelling wrong one as my nausea face is really convincing.
I met a guy who constantly referred to his ex as a bitch and told me how crazy she was. This bitch was so crazy and drove him and his family crazy. So my question is why was he with her for so long and what crazy did he bring into the relationship? I asked him and thought he wanted to kill me. It got uglier when child support got raised. Apparently paying anything more than £50 a month should be made illegal especially when the Mum is breastfeeding? But some of my friends didn’t think this was a deal breaker. He could be saved. I told them I wasn’t looking to be the black female Jesus. I don’t have the patience. Or the long robes.
So next time you cross examine your singletini friend ask yourself what is your real fear? That she’ll steal your man? That she’ll want to go out more often than you do? That she’ll call all the time and you’ll live vicariously through her? Or is it that you want her to be happy but not happier than you. And if you are really worried, why haven’t you tried to hook her up? No not with Sexual Harrassment Darren who lives with his Mum and thinks romantic is not burping or farting in front of her …..on the first date. Hook her up with someone you think she’ll actually get on with and have a decent chance of a relationship. Or don’t. Maybe she’s fine and doesn’t need a hookup. Maybe, just maybe she’s fine being a singletini.
© Chelsea Black