A-sexy: F is for Faking it

No this is not yet another piece on Jason Derulo or indeed that Channel 4 programme Faking It which I loved but couldn’t see myself ever doing. But I do have a confession. I do upon occasion fake an orgasm. Why you ask? Because sometimes the compatibility is so not good that you just want it to be over with so that you can get to doing something less boring.

Now I did drama lessons at school so I can fake it well (not Harry met Sally well mind but I’m working on it)  but it got me thinking as to whether or not there is a moral responsibility to stay true to the spirit of sex and be honest with the other person that no, they really didn’t rock your world. Is this something that men want to hear or is it best to smile and walk away only to have to make excuses as to why you don’t want to meet up again?

I’ve thought about it and on the whole I think this: If you are in a relationship my precious then great, have the conversation and you both work at making that sex just right. Friends with Benefits need guidance on those benefits and I don’t see the point in having a F*ck buddy if he’s not about to do the F bit. Then he’s just a buddy who sleeps over and drinks all of your juice then puts the carton back in the fridge. Who does that?!?  (Yes, I’m still bitter)

But if this is a one night stand, an infrequent fling or just the end of a bad relationship surely it is within our diva given rights to fake it? I don’t have time to train every guy that I come across. And if I’m really honest my sex ego isn’t linked with his satisfaction. Yep, I’m not that worried about whether or not he comes either. Selfish or casual sex is a race to the finish and if you don’t finish first then you are usually buggered unless the person decides to save face and gift you an orgasm.

A simple task you would imagine for the average man with 20 years sexual experience and yet, somehow so many can’t. Maybe it’s because some women need an emotional connection or maybe it’s because he truly is not intuitive or good with tools. But generally when this happens and you’re starting to feel sore you just have to fake it so that you can roll over and get some sleep!

Why? Because most men will be up early and poking around so best you ensure that you’ve gotten a couple of hours kip before enduring the let’s not kiss round 2.

What would I think if a man faked it? Initially I think I would be a tad disappointed that all my hard work didn’t accomplish what I would have liked but then, it’s casual. I don’t care that much about his feelings or his ejaculation. I probably would just want to shrug and roll over. Because I got mine! That’s how it works right guys?

Happy faking!

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups