thCAXGC3QHPhilosophical question time. If a relationship isn’t on Facebook does it really exist?

So yesterday I posted a meme which suggested that a sign of a healthy relationship is when you don’t post about it on Facebook. As someone who posts most of my dating disasters on there I can’t help but agree that to some degree keeping the good stuff off there is a positive but surely the negative should be shared for all to laugh with you? And then there are the snide ones that post about it without tagging the other person. I see plenty of passive aggressive status updates towards partners. I don’t take these tiffs seriously and nor should you. It is life!

A guy posted that he was in a relationship with me once. It got lots of likes which got me thinking, is his being in a relationship seen as a miracle in his circle of friends? Apparently so. I mean, we weren’t married. I felt pressured to post my relationship status back which is something I’ve never done. So as it was early days I put ‘it’s complicated’ instead of ‘in a relationship’. This caused problems as it raised more questions than it raised? Why was it complicated? Why was I telling everyone that it was complicated? I thought that it was obviously complicated because we lived on 2 different continents and he was an arse but, that’s not enough. You have to be able to evidence your complication these days and I hadn’t done that to the satisfaction of the Facebook Jury.

Yes it makes sense not to have fights on Facebook or air your dirty laundry but, Facebook has become a place where we share our feethCALELOFYlings and thoughts with virtual friends who will judge us then sympthise with our situation . It’s meant to be a safe space for one to vent. Difficult when the object of your disgruntlement is watching everything you post for a clue into your mood. Here’s a clue dudes, pick up the phone and ask her. Yes there is a chance you may get shouted at but, them’s the breaks when you messed up. Take it like a man

And of course this whole blog assumes that the woman is the injured party and that the man messed up because I’m in a heteronormative blame him mood.

My Facebook rules are simple:

  1. Don’t be friends on Facebook with your partner unless you are living together or official in the real world. Otherwise it’s just stalking lite.
  2. Declare your status. Especially if you are part of the dick pic inbox set. You need to be telling people that you’re married. We already got that you’re an idiot from the dick pic.
  3. Don’t declare too soon. I say wait until you’ve been introduced to his mother and kids. Before then you are technically just hanging out.
  4. Deliberate before you change that relationship status. Is he Relationship status worthy
  5. Dick backup. Do you want to piss off your backup crew? If not, say nothing until you are sure. Winter is coming. Don’t be left out in the virtual cold.
  6. Don’t dish the dirt using names or during the time of the disgruntlement. Wait until it’s over then you can have a go
  7. Discretion is key. Nobody wants to know that dating you means their life will be on blast. Why do you think my blog is anonymous. I need to protect the guilty.
  8. Don’t post in anger. Deleting the post isn’t enough. We have long memories.

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups