May 23, 2012 by

Equalities Dating

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Categories: A-sexy: Etiquette Guide, BLOG, Latest, Tags:

A-Sexy: E is for Equality Dating

Guys are always complaining about the list. And I can’t help but agree with them. There needs to be some values that you hold dear and some deal breakers to dating or a relationship otherwise you end up like me dating anything and everything in an attempt to be an equalities dater. But a list of things he must have before you will even consider dating him is something you have to steer away from. Especially if you yourself don’t meet the criterion on that list. Yes you my precious.

Being an equalities dater is dangerous my precious. When dating saying yes to everything can lead you to some real stonkers. But sometimes you need to add a bit of diversity to the mix and step outside your definitions on income, looks and education. Not too much mind. You don’t want to have to explain to your African family what the dole is.

This was a period where I decided that I would say yes to whomever asked me to. I dismissed the obvious signs of incompatibility because maybe I didn’t know that the things I held dear where that important to me. Turns out that they are.

I dated the guys who insisted on texting instead of calling and then butchering language at every turn. I don’t think it’s cute to spell words incorrectly but I accept this is one of those things that comes with dating younger men. When dating those in their forties then no, it’s not a good look. I asked one about his writing. He proudly told me that he had played around at school but look at him now with an assistant manager’s job in retail. Who needed an education? I think I was meant to be impressed

I dated the guys who thought dating consisted of DVD nights even though I don’t have a TV. I looked at them guilelessly as they seemed confused by my huge DVD collection. These ones thought they were clever. One guy I made watch a DVD on Down Low as punishment for assuming that he was going to have sex. He was a touch homophobic. NEXT!

I dated the guys who didn’t respect time, cancelled at the last minute or just didn’t turn up. Some I would give 2nd chances for fear of being accused of being late. Maybe his child really did have a 45 minute cold that cleared up enough miraculously for him to be only an hour late. Or the one who left me waiting in a club for a night may have gotten my birthday wrong despite us talking all day about it. These attempts to explain those that aren’t quite right is enough to drive anyone crazy.

I value education. I hate hearing the old adage “Yeah but what if he’s got his own business and successful (rich) like Alan Sugar?” Cool fine that’s one thing but they’re never Alan Sugar are they. Grumpy yes, married sometimes but really successful?….I’ve never been that close to money.

My grammar thing is more long term. First of all it hurts me to see that schooling in this country has failed so many. I forgive those that have English as a second language. You’ve learned to speak English I ask very little more but, those that grew up here? There is no excuse. And this means that if ever we had children I could never entrust you with monitoring homework duty. NEVER! That’s a lot of pressure.

So being an equalities dater didn’t work for me. I don’t ask for anything that I’m not but I refuse to settle for someone who doesn’t value the same things either. And we don’t have to give everyone that likes a chance surely. Some people we have to say yes you’re sexy but I don’t want to date you without feeling guilty. I don’t have the same sort of criteria for sex however. That I believe is all about diversity.

I best get the snacks in. This dating recession may be longer that I thought.

©Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups

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