A – sexy: E is for The Elephant

No this isn’t another ‘Ode to the Big Dick’. I’ve done enough of those to last me a week. No this is about the elephant in the room.

I’ve spent a lot of time dating, trying to date, giving up on dating then eventually dating again. I talk to way too many people I will never meet online and I read a lot of crap which disguises itself as blogs and opinion. All of which has led me to the following un-researched conclusion.

As gender groups we don’t really like each other very much. We crave each other and are attracted to each other but that’s as far as it goes. There is very little respect for what the other wants or needs and we spend most of our time looking for ways to trap the other into sex (for men) and relationships  (for women). These are generalisations I know but that is how a lot of heterosexual dating has become. We are not only in a dating recession people. No this has become a warzone.

We crave what the other has but we don’t like what each is. It’s a sad reality but we spend all of our time looking for The One. The one who isn’t as male or female as all the rest in the ways we hate whilst being more masculine and feminine in other ways. The fact that both men and women think the other could do with some attitude adjustments means that fundamentally we aren’t trying to hook up. Instead we just want to win the argument and justify why we the individual are the way we are. When did dating become a competition? And why wasn’t I notified?

Here’s the thing guys and let’s be honest here cos we can be. You will never win. Accept that when it comes to arguing you should do what your Fathers and grandfathers did before you….choose what’s important to you (usually things like keeping your name, the remote control when the football is on and the time you can spend with your friends) and leave the rest to us. We don’t want to consult you on everything because your opinion matters. No we consult you because this is how women think. Out loud in circles and often times the object of our thought changes 3 or 4 times before we settle on something then wake up and change our minds again.

Ladies you aren’t much better. He’s not going to change. Our Fathers were men who took responsibility for their families etc because they didn’t have any other option. Duty wasn’t a dirty word back then. So accept that he’s never ever going to be like any character in any romantic comedy and especially not in any drama. They don’t make them like Noah from the Notebook anymore. They just don’t. A man so sure of his love that nothing can detract him from his path? A man who is articulate about his vision for the future and incorporates yours into it? A man who looks at you instantly and wants to be a better man for you. I need to throw that book and movie away. It’s warping my expectations.

I truly believe once we get rid of the elephant we can just enjoy dating again and the possibility it provides instead of assuming the worst until proven otherwise. So let’s get together and push that elephant out of the room. We have to put up with each other worts and all. Stop telling me how to be a woman and I’ll stop expecting you to act like a man from a time long gone. Deal?

Or maybe I’m just an old romantic.

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups