D is for The Dougie

With a birthday coming up I’m already feeling my age but no more so when you get a compliment and you don’t know what it means. At least, I think it was a compliment?

So I’m on a non-date with this guy who is funny at worst cute at best but the majority of our interaction has been online so it could have been awful. You know how that can go right? What is with these people with totally different personality types to their online personas. It’s fraudulent behaviour.  Anyway I digress.

So we get home from a 5.5 hour non-date and I’m still smiling at some of his silly jokes when we resume our online banter. And then he makes a comment about my African heritage.

When I excused myself to go to the loo I came back and he said that he had an observation. Oh? Yeah it wasn’t small. I was shocked! After all my running and no chocolate eating it still wasn’t small?

I should point out that I’ve been going through a bit of a delusional time with Ms. Africa these days. Having lost a bit of weight I’ve assume (wrongly apparently) that I now have what is known as a small butt. I know my precious, 2 inches off does not a small butt make but I was feeling so good that I ….lied to myself and others. Smaller yes, small I’m told is not a fair trades act description.

We quickly moved onto other topics of discussion but I wasn’t best pleased. Was I deluding myself? Apparently so as when he got home he made another comment about the bum being the sort that made a man do the dougie. Eh up, what’s The dougie?

Now here is where I realised that I’m not only deluded by I’m old. Already shocked that I don’t have a TV, my computer is about 4 years old and I don’t know Star Wars references I refused to admit that I didn’t know what the dougie was. Oh course I had vaguely heard some young folk talk about it on a bus or something but I was clueless. Clueless, now that’s a class film from the 90s!

And so my precious I did what any woman with the self-awareness to know that they are old and out of touch does. I Googled it. I stumbled across this The Dougie video and tried to curb my 80s dance moves for the smooth Cali moves demonstrated here but you know what? I’mjust like the guy on the end who is struggling.

The Dougie

Fingers crossed he never asks me to demonstrate said dance. I would probably break a hip. The sex etiquette is that when you are on a date or a non-date as in my case you need to research words and phrases you have never heard of. Otherwise you could be agreeing to all sorts of stuff you didn’t realise. Like watersports is no longer watersports and golden showers isn’t showering in a sunset. Please, accept if you are out of touch that the internet is your dating (or non dating) friend.

Now I just need to Google body dysmorphic disorder as well. I think I have that.

Dougies away!

© Chelsea Black

 

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups