April 25, 2012 by

You got me DICKMATIZED!

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Categories: A-sexy: Etiquette Guide, Latest, Tags:

A – Sexy: D is for Dickmatized

Dickmatized – When a girl can’t concentrate on anything else because she is distracted with the DICK of her latest piece of ass. Her work is jeopardized, she’s a sell out to her girlfriends, she picks up his shit including his kids or whatever. She will do whatever it takes for the DICK. Even if the dick isn’t all that great, she doesn’t know the difference because she is dickmatized. – Urban dictionary definition

 

Hello my name is Chelsea Black and I love dick. Preferably from the same man but if he’s playing silly buggers then I’m more than happy to open up my ….diverse portfolio and pull another dick out of my purse. But being dickmatized? You can keep that load of broken biscuits to yourselves.

Apparently there are some women who can be dickmatized? I’m having to say some as I have never ever been so enamoured with one dick that I would forsake all others and do stuff that ordinarily I would deem stupid. But my male friends tell me that dickmatization is a real condition and that a number of women suffer from it. This is said smugly.

I know people feel that women who are dickmatised can’t help it. They are under some sort of juju that the rest of us are immune to. But what upsets me most is that they neglect their children, friends and family for the dick? Worse yes but people they care about? I just don’t get it.

I have a family friend who suffered this illness. We watched as the man tormented her first child and she stood by smiling and excusing him. As a child watching I asked why she wasn’t protecting her child and I was told that she was so into her man that nothing else mattered. My parents didn’t use the word dickmatized as it was the 80s but their faces weren’t impressed.

Another family friend had a son with acute depression. I met him once for lunch and rather than throw myself into the Thames afterwards I told her that her son needed help and she ignored it. Instead she regaled us with stories of her latest love that turned out to be a complete and utter arse. When her son was sectioned she sent him off to Nigeria to be with his Dad. Yes the woman was a heartless cow indeed and has had more failed relationships than I’ve had Haribos. Dickmatized.

So I don’t have time for this excuse or women who suffer from it. Same way as I don’t really have time for women who don’t suck dick because they are too precious and think only bad girls do it. Wait til you’re married to pull that crap chick. Even then, I would watch that rationing.

Don’t get me wrong some dick is good. But usually that comes with a man who a) knows how to use it and b) doesn’t treat you like shite and c) would tell you about yourself if you were totally into him to the exclusion of all others. A good dick has a brain that runs it.

Friends of mine who have suffered this affliction have been pensioned off. You know who you are. You think that it is love but it’s just a sad reflection of low self worth and a lack of individuality. When he pensions you off you come back looking to hang out saying “Sorry, I don’t know what came over me” Him apparently. Again and again and again.

Now, liking dick, that’s cool my precious and I applaud you for saying it

© Chelsea Black

 

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups

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