Dear Wives,

This is like one of those open letter things that celebrities write to other celebrities to ride on their PR except I’m wrwivesiting to all of you in one hit and you’re not famous. So then not an open letter at all. more an ode to an open letter? I digress. Let’s get down to business.

I’ve noticed an increase in the phenomenon of blaming the other woman when men cheat on their wives. I think it comes with the increase in mass hysteria over anything amplified on social media. The other woman did not do this to your marriage. A marriage we likely had no idea about at the beginning. Your husbands are cheats, chances are they are liars too.

Firstly, a number of you are under the misconception that every woman who is single is after your husband. This is far from the truth. The 5 top reasons are simple

  • He has financial responsibilities that make him an unattractive prospect. Even if he has money some of that will ALWAYS go to you and the children first. That is not attractive.
  • He can’t spend the night and therefore finish off what he started the night before. I don’t want to ever be rushed to orgasm because he has to go home to tuck in Junior or watch a school play.
  • He can’t leave the country for months at a time because that would be suspicious even to you who seemingly don’t feel the need to monitor where he is.
  • He’s a self-employed part timer so no matter how sweet his sweet talk is it’s on his time and never when we are tipsy and horny. Where’s the fun in that?
  • He’s married. His whole family, friends and work people know that he’s married and it isn’t to us so, we aren’t about to be treated with any kind of respect when we meet these people.

I’m tired of you as wives acting like victims who have been hurt by mistresses or side pieces or whatever you call us. Instead you should be angry with your husbands who are the ones with a legal, moral and emotional obligation to you. Most of the time we donwives 3’t know you. We don’t want to know you and we have no responsibility to care about you and your emotions. Our job is to take care of ourselves. Dating is hard enough without having to think about another woman. It’s like being in a REALLY bad 3sum where you don’t even get to play out that college lesbian fantasy. Nothing in it for us.

We are all selfish and want a man of our own. We don’t want your man because your man has baggage and can’t be trusted, clearly. We want Noah in the Notebook or, Jack in Brokeback Mountain. We don’t want a half arsed man who will undoubtedly cheat as that’s what he does.

Now I know you can’t be mad at him because then you would have to accept that he’s not perfect and then you would have to fix him. Or leave him and you don’t want to face that possibility. We are an easy target for your emotional outpouring. We get it. It’s much easier to vilify someone else who will disappear over time (pregnancies not included). But this is unreasonable. We are not your husbands. Blame the person responsible for fucking up. The cheat? We aren’t cheating on you.

Most single women spend a lot of their time avoiding your husbands. We try hard to ensure that he’s available at the beginning but they’re slimely little fekkers. Check their whatsapp and facebook. Don’t check ours.wives 2

So let’s stop with the bashing of the other woman. Nobody chased your man down and made him pull his dick out. He’s a man. Even if a woman was to do this he can say no.

© Chelsea Black 2014

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups