Dear Cupid

A-Sexy: C is for Cupid

Dear Cupid,

So I am an old romantic at heart. Don’t screw up your face like that dear. If you were to see my collection of books and DVDs you would know that when it comes to love I’m all for it. Kind of like you.

Which is why I have a complaint to make. I’m bringing it to you and not your boss cos I know that the dating recession has added A LOT of stress to your workload. Now I know you’re busy and that there are a lot of single women out there who want to fall in love again etc and I know that because I’ve been married before I kind of have to get to the back of the queue yet I know all of that. But Cupid, dude…you’ve a really crap shot!

Example 1.

He’s a lovely guy perfect for me in every way. We support the same football team which says a lot about our ethos in life, we are both word people and he’s cute. I’m cuter, yes but I could see where you were going with him and I totally went there with you.  Except down the line I find out that he’s really quite delusional and for someone who loves to write his writing isn’t always in English that I can comprehend.

So where is the due diligence Cupid? All I’m saying is that I expect you to have done some research before presenting him as the perfect mate

Example 2

He’s a lovely guy perfect for me in every way. He is African (yay, way to go cupid. I’m liking the focused regionalisation of your recent efforts by the way) and of a country I approve of. He’s funny, smarter than he realises and will make beautiful babies. We have one glorious date where I think everything has gone exceptionally well and then….nothing?

So where is the feedback Cupid? Whatever it is that you are meant to do to ensure that I’m not left here wondering what happened has not happened

So let’s make a pact dear Cupid. You bring me an African man who is tolerant, adoring and loving with a lot of ambition (I can’t be poor Cupid, you know how I roll) oh and a lovely appendage and I will promise to love and adore him forever more. If you are unable to deliver this then I shall have no option but to find your sorry arse at whichever drinking hole you are frequenting lately and take you out. Don’t make me go there dude. I got rid of your predecessor.

I love you!

© Chelsea Black

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