For Deal breakers part one click here

4)      Lack of communication

We live in an age where you can be reached at all times except when you are sleeping or fucking someone else. Yes we know that these are the only two options as the week before you were texting rather happily from work. So stop with the excuses. After sex the communication shouldn’t wane if you aren’t interested then just say so. If you want it to just be sex then go for it but don’t I repeat don’t play the busy wanker and think you’ll be getting seconds. This is a deal breaker.

5)      Non Readers

I struggle with this one as reading and writing are a huge part of my life. I don’t have a television and thus miss most of the relevance of tweets of programmes that I have no interest in. I am yet to see an episode of the voice or take me out. So reading has more importance. Don’t get me wrong we can hang but we aren’t going to date. Cos I just think our outlooks on life are different. Oh and comics, manuals and wired aren’t reading. It needs to have at least 100 pages. Not so much a deal breaker as a deal non starter?

6)      Babe

No woman should date men that use babe and never remember your name. I don’t care how cute his smile is he’s got to go! It’s the laziest sign of indifference. And sleazy.  I don’t need to say any more.

7)      Bad hygiene

I’ve had to group these as it isn’t easy to separation the disgust that others feel when greeted when either bad breath, BO or a cheesy nob. There is no need for any of the above if you are a human being that takes pride in themselves.  The problem is that often times the person doesn’t know that they have BO or bad breath apparently. So whilst I may feel some sympathy and I know that the walk from the bus stop to mine is exhausting and likely to cause you to sweat profusely (5 minutes dude? ) there is a fundamental Body Odour that is just plain wrong. Different from sweaty which can be sweaty.

8)      Lying

Anything from “I don’t know what just happened. This has never happened to me before” to “it wasn’t me!” to, “She’s crazy, I never had sex with her” when she’s the mother of your child is a lie and therefore unacceptable. I’ve had to be very clear as to what defines lying to many a man as apparently lying by omission or only telling you things on a needs to know basis seem to be the latest trend. Their excuse? “I’m a very private person.” Of course you are dude because you are leading a duplicitous life. Stop with the lying. Catching you once is a straight red card offense. No warnings on this one.

9)      Swimming

A new one for me  but according to my friend Farzanabanana this is a deal breaker as there is something a bit wet or not wet in this case about a man that can’t swim. Others that features were lack of rhythm, a man who can’t dance, small dicks, being judgemental, men with smaller bum and arrogance. We’re all different. I loves me some arrogance as long as you have the goodies and the big dick to back that up.

One more deal breaker my precious and we’re done. Click here

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups