A-Sexy : D is for Deal Breakers

So a lot is made about deal breakers and how women especially have a list but let’s not get it twisted. Deal breakers are there for a reason. They are there to protect us from the timewasters, wastemen and idiots that walk this earth pretending to be decent human being. Some may not seem fair like not dating dads  or not dating someone who doesn’t know who Mandela is but those are there for the sake of our sanity. Please, allow us these crazy standards.

I’m not going to go into relationship deal breakers as my African roots mean that certain educational standards and family approval must be sought before I am even allowed to consider them worthy of being more than just a shag. But there are some dating and sexual deal breakers that I think should be standard. Feel free to comment if you disagree on any of these:

1)      Paying on a date

Why is this confusing and still discussed? The person who suggested the date must pay. If I have to bring out my purse on a date that I didn’t plan or have any real input into then know that I’m just as likely to grab my purse and get out of here. I don’t understand why we are going Dutch when neither of us are Dutch?

Let me be clear though that if there is a quibble over the bill until the pay scale is exactly equal assume that you are getting it. Because I spent my hard earned money  looking good enough to be dessert the least you can do is get the Nandos.

2)      The sleepover

If you have been granted a sleepover then please leave before midday the next day. What’s with this lolling in my bed for hours demanding food? My name isn’t Chelsea Café. I don’t shop for two and believe you me a sleep over is rarely planned. Besides with my random diets the best you can hope for is some champagne and a fruit salad for breakfast. Oh hold on, just looking in the fridge.. maybe just the champagne?

I think the sleep over should always end with a brunch at a nearby café. Blubirds anyone?

3)      Coming

I know that this one is hard for men as you claim not to be able to control your coming. But I’m going to let you into a secret…the only time you have to be good in bed is the first time. After that you can get away with the occasional lazy or selfish act as we will remember the magical first time and forgive you. So do not cum until she has cum. This is the rule.

The best way to make sure that this doesn’t happen is to focus totally on her pleasure (I know dude, it’s all about you but stick with me here) and let her cum before you get off. After that you can come in 5 minutes and she will think it’s the best sex ever. We are simple creatures really. Learn this and you’ll be cool.

Click here for part 2

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups