Dating Values part 2

Money

First date , he pays. I offer but I only have my cab fare on me and a card. Don’t make me reach for the Santander card because that’s red. Yes a red card. Thanks but never again. The only exception is if I asked you out and I chose somewhere pricey. Then we go dutch. I won’t take the piss…just yet.

Time keeping

I wait 20 minutes. This is it. I don’t have time to waste waiting longer than this. I’m missing something equally exciting online for you. And stop with this I’m running a few minutes late texts that start at the time we are meant to meet. If you cant be on time then clearly you don’t want to meet up that much. Over it. Never again.

I really need to enforce this rule for black hair salons as well. I can’t waste another day at these establishments. But I digress…

Hanging.

I also think those who use the “I might drop by” or “let’s maybe hook up later this week” lines need to be shot. Why do I now feel like an option instead of a priority in your schedule which is not just work but work, football, the lads, your mum’s, a game called COD and flirting with everyone else online. I recently learned that some men like to tag you then disappear coming back intermittently to check on you. I hate this. Either we are hanging out or not.

Spontaneity is a fail too. Make a frigging plan already. It’s not that hard.

Topics

Let’s not discuss your extremist views on date one? Let me believe that you’re not a bigot for at least a week. Homophobia, racism (you’re different from other black girls is old, especially from black men. Stop with that nonsense) and why women should cook really aren’t going to work. I know you are more than these views. That said I’m glad that these types of men don’t have the sense to keep their views to themselves as they don’t think there is anything wrong with it.  Makes saying no much easier. No this. No Millwall fan will ever touch this body. Ever!

Communication

Before the date we were laughing and tweeting on a daily basis. Post date I don’t hear from you in months then suddenly I get the text, tweet or call. This is a major fail. Don’t bother unless you have an apology and a relative who needed you by their bedside in their final days. I’m not hearing it. We all have toilet and food breaks so that work excuse just doesn’t wash with me.

Dating others

It’s cool if you date others but be honest about it. “I’m seeing or talking to a few people right now” isn’t the end of the world but don’t let me find out through the social media grapevine or when I bump into you looking awkward at an event. If you told all the people that you were seeing that you were seeing others there wouldn’t be any reason to look sheepish.

Exes

Tell me why you broke up, yes but please, I’m not here to offer free counselling. I dated one guy and our pillow talk turned into a counselling session and eventually he went back to the wife and kid. Normally I would have kicked myself but no point in having a man who really wants to be with someone else, right? Right!

Sex

No rules. Date 1 date 5 Date 10. Whatever. I do think there are too many immature men out there who think sex on the first date means you’re a slut. Whatever, I’m a fussy slut so count yourself lucky and move on. Unless you got me drunk in which case, I hope I’m a drunken lush. That said I don’t understand the concept of withholding sex in dating. I’m supposed to be getting to know you better so the quickest way is through sex.

Lying

You get caught in one lie we don’t have anything to talk about. You’re a grown up. Never an excuse to lie unless I ask if my arse looks big. Then lie to me damn it. What’s with the truth crap?

The other kind of lying is the vision lie. You say you want something and you say you want it with me then your actions say the opposite. Be a man, figure out what you want and learn to communicate it. This isn’t that hard. Much less effort then going along with my mad plans then realising that I wasn’t joking about the 2nd home in France that needs renovating.

Oops that was nine. Might as well wrap it up with a 10th …..

Closure.

So we aren’t really working out. A clean break with  “it doesn’t feel right for me” is fine. Please let’s not do this thing of vague chatting just because you don’t have the balls to say you don’t want it to go any further. We are all big people. We can take a disappointment or 10. So suck it up and say it already

That’s me done

Happy dating!

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups