Whenever you are starting a relationship there comes a time when you have to have a conversation about values. Money, family and social values etc. I would say date 3, the in depth dinner date just before sex for those who date by numbers but for some of us this may be earlier. Don’t just my precious. After 30 you don’t have time to play stupid games.
But recently I’ve come to question some people’s dating values. Yes Dating. It can’t be right that women and men are so disparate in this area that all I read about is the issues we have with each other when dating. And so I decided to draw myself up a list of my dating values. I know thtat men hate lists but tough. These are things that are not negotiable when dating. Surely this is the precursor to having the discussion about how whether the kids will go to private school or not? (Home schooling by yours truly then private school with lots of cousins followed by 2 years in Africa would be ideal but, I’m not one to impose my view . Oh wait, yes I am. Start saving FuHu!)
I know that a lot of people think that women are too harsh and inflexible but I believe that the opposite is true. If a guy stands you up instead of acknowledging your hurt and the fact that he’s a fuckwit we and our friends analyse the situation and decide that there must be a good reason for it. We really don’t but with the scarcity of decent men we have to trick ourselves into thinking this. When eventually he calls with some half arsed excuse (never a rason as there is no such thing) we forgive because we like you and think that due to the dating recession we have to forgive bad behaviour. But know this, in the same way that Super nanny teaches parents that the reason their kids are the devils spawn is because they don’t tell them what’s expected of them and enforce it so too do men take the piss when dating. I blame other women for not having trained them properly.
It would be easy to think it’s a dating recession so let the standards drop and for a long time I have done but none of these have worked either so clearly it’s not the values that are problem. It’s the fact that common decency has been lost in too many online options. Men have stopped trying and as a result women have stopped making them care.
Let’s be realistic. You want to date someone who isn’t an arsehole, has manners and recognises that guessing isn’t a core skill for a healthy interaction. You want someone who won’t add to your tales of bad dates. Surely that’s not too much to ask. Forget sex education the disbelief of some dates has left me questioning if dating and respect should be taught at school. Actually could they keep sex education and take out Home economics.
Women of the dating world let’s galvanise and say no more to being treated like crap. If he’s unable to treat you properly when dating what makes you think he’s suddenly going to fix up his ways when you’re in a relationship? Don’t date a man for his potential when all the evidence suggests that he doesn’t have basic manners.
So whilst everyone’s list will be different here’s my list of 8 dating values. These aren’t negotiable anymore. I’m too weary to give 2nd chances this early on in the same. Any breach suggests someone who not only isn’t a serious dater but lacking in basic dating etiquette. Do not pass GO:
PS. Please note that if on date one you realise that it’s going to be sex and nothing else because he doesn’t know who Mandela is then ignore the values. Just make sure the sex is good!
© Chelsea Black