A – Sexy: C is for Cybersex

Cyber fun isn’t as fun as one may think. Ok so you’ve picked your partner and now you’ve actually got to get down to it. Here’s where it can go awry. Women usually want a seduction as opposed to getting off immediately.

Men…yes we know what you lot want. To get off. As the more visual of the species I suggest that women have some pictures to scatter into their conversations. Helps make it more interesting. So when you are telling him you want him to eat you out from behind you present him with the suitable imagery. Please note no photos / pictures of men with dicks allowed. Apparently this can make it all go soggy in cyber. Cos another penis introduced into the play is suddenly a competition. But throw in a couple of booties and lots of lingerie boob shots and you should be ok.

I know a lot of men do it sitting up but women tend to be lying down. Hmmm, ladies chances are this isn’t the best position for typing but a pillow or towel between the legs keeps you hands free to type.  We are already winning. (I know, it’s not a race but quite often it is.) Oh this should be a vibrator free zone although feel free to throw in that you are playing with yours if you think it will turn him on.

Not everyone is a writer but there are some guys who are very good at expressing themselves sexually….online. I’ve met a few and you are like, this is the same dude who got me twisted on a Thursday night in? (don’t try this at home folks. Like I say keep the two worlds very separate.)

My key rules are thus:

It can’t be more than 20 minutes. We’ve both got things to do, right? Tweets to send? Blogs to write? Besides it’s easy to get bored. How many times can you wrap your wet lips around his big dick and moan in pleasure. Yeah, not that many.

If he says bitch / cnt, wet pussy, big fat cck or any of the above within the first minute more than twice then it’s likely not a match.  Chances are he’s already on the one handed road to disrespect and an early shower.

Requests for texts or real photos mean the cyber sex is halted. Especially when they try to bully you.

If he wants you to do all the work then like everyday sex this isn’t the one. So the line “tell me what you’re going to do to me?” can only be used once and not repeated without some reciprocation. Some cyber sexers are rather lazy.

There must be a pleasant grateful sign off on both sides. Look, chances are you aren’t going to come unless he’s practically a pro and you’ve been talking for months but not even a thank you at the end is a sign of a rude cyber lover. Also you don’t want to have to avoid logging into skype and fb to avoid him because he’s mad. There’s nothing like cyber sex rage to put one off trying it again.

But apart from that try to have fun with it. There is no right or wrong way to do it I guess as long as both of you are enjoying it but do remember that your dirty and freaky may not even compare to theirs. See cyber sex as an opportunity to let your imagination run wild in a safe environment….your bedroom.

Happy cyber sexing.

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups