A – Sexy. C is for Cunnilingus

First of all let’s get over whatever hang ups you have. It’s more than boring now to hear about the one time you went down in 1993 and it wasn’t all that fresh and you’ve never been able to face (literally) going down there again…make a plan and eat that p**sy. Like with blow jobs it’s not always the best thing about sex and there is going to be a lot of new tastes and smells but it’s all a means to an end. Do it and do it to satisfy. That’s what will keep her coming back for more. Not your cock because once you’ve had one decent cock then you’re kind of over that.

If a guy doesn’t go down then I have no choice but to delete him from my life. Selfish as a lover is not something you can recover from. It also suggests quite strongly that you don’t like me that much you just want to fuck me. That’s ok if we are both in a gratuitous state of drunkenness never to see each other again but if this was off the back of a date then you can fuck right off with that shit. Especially after you happily accepted 15 minutes of me on my knees gagging and doing my blowfish impression.

Ironically the same guys who guide your head down constantly are the same guys who never go down themselves. I once got into a silent head guiding battle with some fool who was quick to indicate where he wanted my lips but then when I did the same he said “I really don’t know you that well” What! NO BREAKFAST FOR YOU!! I asked my boyfriend Addison Lee the cab service to take him home at 2.30. See this is why you shouldn’t date outside of your zone. I digress.

So the etiquette is this; If you go down on him then he should, politely go down on you too. If after the first time you go down on him he doesn’t reciprocate then please feel free to withhold oral until the matter has been appropriately rectified. There are excuses (see part 2) but none that will hold water in a sexual court of law. Your satisfaction and a happy face is what sex is about after all.
If he is bad or unenthusiastic, often the same thing then it is your job to teach him. Here is where many women fall down. You have never really figured out what you like as you are too busy lying back and imagining yourselves in love. No next time as you come down from your delightful petite mort write down what the good ones did and what the others aren’t doing. Don’t be afraid to guide with your hands but note that rough handling of their heads may cause him to rebel and do it badly just to teach you a lesson. Men have such fragile egos after all.

I really need to remember this. I keep forgetting.

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups