Cunnilingus, going down, eating pussy….Now let’s tackle some of the Bullshit excuses we women hear. Here are the top 5 you will come across.

1)      I just don’t do that

Difficult to argue with this but for some you do insist on digging deeper on this issue. Has he ever done it? Does he only do it with those he considers to be in a permanent relationship with? I don’t give a fuck why he doesn’t do it. The fact that he doesn’t do something which is as basic as kissing but wants to poke me with his rod in all sorts of weird and wonderful positions screams of hypocrisy.

2)      I don’t know you that well / I want to get to know you better

I really think you shouldn’t come into a sexual encounter expecting it to be based on how well you know someone. Some of the freakist, dirtiest encounters have been One Night Stands where you don’t really care what you do and your alcohol / blood level is set to slutty.

Those that think that it’s too intimate should be avoided as these may be early signs that they have Madonna whore complex. Things they’ll do to the whore but won’t do that to you as the girlfriend I would like to think that as the FuGi I was getting the best and sauciest he had to offer. Sadly they confuse respecting you with boring sex. They save the dirty stuff for the stag dos and the random ne night stands. Be warned.

3)      I don’t like the smell

I hate the smell of beer. I’ll at least taste it. It is rare that you will come across a vagina that smells of anything but vagina. We all smell different and as long as she is well hydrated, eats well etc it isn’t that bad. I’ve only be confronted with one vagina which I wasn’t too keen on (3sum, don’t ask) and yet I got stuck in. Cos I thought to myself, the number of awful cocks I’ve sucked means that I can do anything.

4)      I don’t know what you like unless you tell me

You want him to go down and yet either you haven’t told him or you haven’t This is a fair point. First, you have to know what you like. I find tongues too tentative so more lips works best. Others like the opposite or for him to use his hands more. But if you don’t teach, guide and shout at him how will he ever know. They are men. Our pleasure was never their priority so we have to make it ours.

5)      It’s against my culture / religion / personal belief

My culture religion and personal beliefs are such that I believe in getting pleasure by any means necessary. I mean legally as apparently the other sort of pleasure can lead to the sort of oral sex behind bars that I might not like so much from Big Bertha.

So if he uses any of the above BS excuses you know what to do right? That’s right my precious I know that genetically he would make beautiful babies but they say one of the best ways to induce labour is for me to go down and if he can’t even do that for you in your hours of need then he’s not the one.

Ok tips on going down up next!

© Chelsea Black

 

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups