Corona : when dating goes viral

It’s so easy to get caught up in the hysteria of Corona Virus.  Everyone is rightly worried about the more vulnerable in society but, we do need to talk about the social isolation for those who live alone and still dating. What do you do when dating goes viral? I want to say stop all dating activities until we know what’s happening but some of you are on a clock so….

Times are a changing

I know my mindset has changed because I am less open to dating than only a few weeks ago. I don’t even want to see my colleagues and I know their habits.  Just the other day I was planning how to work from home FOREVER when I get an anonymous whatsapp message.

Random Dude: Let’s meet up. Lunch is on me though?

This sparked a number of issues for me:

Firstly I don’t know who this message is from?

Lunch is a poor woman’s dinner date. Duh!

Thirdly, are we still meeting up in public places for dates or nah?

Turns out this was a random from 2016 trying to make a cheeky retrograde comeback. Nah. But for this moment in time all your dating recession skills must be executed when we are faced with a virus

Risky business?

The biggest risk is that we have just discovered how few people were washing their hands. I personally have never understood how little hygiene most men have when it comes to them and their dicks. They’re really comfortable being that close without hand sanitizer

This is a relative stranger who will potentially bring with them decades of poor hygiene. Do you really want to risk it for a snog?

Safe Sex

And, sex with a new person? Them dripping  sweat everywhere, spitting as they try to Mr Marcus sweet talk themselves to an orgasm, hands that have been touching body parts without washing their hands? Yeah no! Let’s just accept that there will be a fall in birth rates in January next year because nobody has got time for this level of risks Safe sex is more than just a condom. You all will just have to resort to watching porn, sexting and phone sexing for a while. No new skin to skin shall prosper

If you have to have sex then maybe look at replacing the lube with hand sanitizer and hoping he won’t notice. He will but, by then let’s hope the risk has gone. I would go as far as asking dudes to get into the shower first but then I’m a name and shame on the no handwashers.  

So what can you do?

  1. See this as the perfect opportunity to save money. You don’t have to uber anywhere or eat a pretentious 3-course meal. Dates are rather labour intensive
  2. Solo date. The cinemas will be empty and long walks are just the ticket for ridding you of the cabin fever. Working from home loses its allure pretty quickly. Do all that jogging you were planning to do.
  3. Skype and facetime for your life. Use this opportunity to get to know the other person and figure out if they’ve got a personality. The truth is in dating alcohol and sex cover up for a multitude of boring people out there.
  4. Catch up on all of your hobbies and projects you’ve been threatening to do for the past 15 years. Use up the 16kg of Gluten Free flour you bought on a whim at Christmas or finally finish that tricky second book. Yes you have things to do
  5. Connect with a relatively safe fuck buddy. This is risky as who knows what they’re doing when they’re not with you. It’s going to need lots of isolation and questions methinks. Let’s save this one for the lull in numbers over summer maybe.

But above all you shouldn’t isolate yourself from friends and family. Now is the time to connect safely and check in on those you’ve neglected because Tinder has taken over your life. We can’t let this paralyse our existence. We just have to modify our behaviour.   Let’s swipe on!

© Chelsea Black 2020

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