The compliment

I almost feel sorry for men. I say almost because as you know my precious I don’t waste too much pity on the opposite sex when we as a gender suffer from their stupid behaviour and comments. If you feel this is too harsh read any of the previous blogs and I’m sure you could be swayed to see the truth of it. But moan over ,this particular incident happened yesterday.

At a networking event I got caught talking to a man who was quick to tell me how important his family in Nigeria were but that he wasn’t as prescriptive about where his wife would be from. How generous of him. He wasn’t bad looking, of a good age etc and seemed to love Italian shoes from the attention he gave his. I think I was meant to notice and say something but I know nothing about shiny shoes unless they have heels. I can’t really say we were a match as he blamed the Nigerian women that were so materialistic that it pushed the men to do better in business and life. So their Nigistence was the fault of Nigerian women? Yes he was full of something alright but wisdom and charm, no.

And so managing to lose him for a while (that old, going to the bar then bullying someone to swap with me routine) I figured I wouldn’t have to tolerate him for much longer. The event was almost over. But the universe had other plans.

As the evening ended people were saying their goodbyes and he managed to shoehorn in a double cheek kiss and waist squeeze. He didn’t do this to anyone else so I think I was meant to be especially pleased by his presumptuousness. As I turned to leave he decided that asking me how I got my body was an appropriate question. I told him jogging. He asked what else. I said Haribos he said huh and I knew in that moment this was not my FuHu. He didn’t know what Haribos was? It’s like him not having faith. It could never work.

Now I know in his mind he was thinking that he was paying me a compliment but I just saw this as a man who had sex on the brain. It’s a stupid compliment as it demonstrates that your mouth and brain aren’t engaging properly. But in his mind he was as smooth as LL Cool J and I was meant to swoon at his attempts to impress. Prominent family AND a smooth tongue? Be still my heart.

I’m going to console myself with some Haribos and lament on the poor chat up lines of men.

© Chelsea Black

click here to nominate my blog for the Cosmo blog awards 2012

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups