Short and sweet as I obviously have things to do that I’m avoiding. I’m the Queen of Procrastination.
I’m constantly writing lists of future achievements and things that I would like to have. Like to win the lottery although I’ve never played it or live in a bigger house although I’m not saving for it. Or like a clean flat. I would like one of those. But some days these lofty goals seem so bloody unachievable. Yesterday was one of those days.
And so it’s with great pleasure that I announce that I’ve decided to be happy today. I just took the decision. It’s been weighing on my mind for months. I honestly believe that there is a secondary gain from any misery and I had to ask myself what was mine?
For a long time I thought it was sex but it really wasn’t. Apart from being an incredibly romantic person most sex is rubbish and it’s the thrill of the chase not the actual sex that I enjoyed.
The answer came to me as I medicated on my yoga mat. Well I pretended to meditate I was actually just acting like someone who meditates and dressed like a typical meditator. But in the midst of my acting as someone meditating I actually came up with the solution. Sugar. Sugar is my secondary gain. I can claim misery and then medicate with sugar later. It’s a sad moment indeed when you realise the reason your life is where it’s at is all because of your love of the dark stuff, chocolate.
I can’t dictate what nonsense will enter into my sphere tomorrow and create me to reach for the chocolate biscuit tin but I can control the present apparently. I am going to do this. I’m going to be a happy person. Not to be confused with a positive perky person because they’re just really annoying. No, I’m going to enjoy what I do and how I live and who I interact with. This will have to be a no more idiots zone. Idiots, you’ve been warned.
I’m going to start being happy by cleaning the flat. This in itself doesn’t make me happy but a clean flat will make me happier. But I’m a procrastinator so Happiness (and cleaning) begins sometime in the future. Like maybe Friday. Or Saturday. Or sometime in the near future when someone comes to visit and I’m forced to take action.
Wish me luck
© Chelsea Black