Categotry Archives: Travel and Social

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My Beach Bond Moment in Barbados

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Categories: DATING, Misadventures, Travel, Tags: ,

So for my birthday (I have three but that’s a whole other blog) I decided that I needed some beach bikini and promptly took myself off to Barbados. My friends told me to take condoms and make up etc in case this was my ‘Stella Got Her Groove Back’ moment but I’d already had that and to be honest I didn’t really have Bond on beach fantasy. I just wanted to work on my vitamin d and catch up on some much needed sleep

I arrived in the afternoon and it felt like I was being kissed and hugged by the sun and heat. As allergic as I am to the cold I’m quite literally addicted to the heat. It completes me. I was promptly whisked off to the resort and it was lovely. I made the mistake of partaking in their welcome rum punch and fell asleep on my bal

cony over looking the sea. This was heaven.

The next day I dug out my honeymoon

Bond moment Barbados

bikini and, it fit! I got up early (I’m an eight German so have an inbuilt need to grab a lounger early. I’d been spying on the beach since 6am) and sauntered down to my lounger. Bar staff came to take orders so you never ha

d to go in. The wifi even worked as I was so close to the hotel.

A few hour later and I saw someone bobbing along the sea. Ignoring him I went back to a facebook argument about one of the KarKrash family I think. Then I saw the bob emerge from the sea.

Now, in terms of female fantasies there have only been two sea scenes to reference. The first is Daniel Craig in every sing Bond movie I think. The second is Tom Cruise in some movie where their plane crashed and he emerged and you realised that Tom was now not the hot thing of yesteryear. He was giving serious Daddy hotness not sexy hotness.

Well, this was worse. Firstly he had moobs. His bra size would definitely be bigger than mine and I’m a small D cup. Secondly he looked like he’d eaten Nemo. And why was he walking towards me like we knew each other? Oh fuck! A beach fuckboi opportunist. Was Idris or Omari Hardwick busy?

He did indeed come over and start chatting me up. Why? I blame the honeymoon bikini and the lack of any other black women on the beach. Turns out he was a grandfather of 5, in his 50s, semi retired and way too chatty. I hadn’t even had my second smoothie of the day.

I tried to be reserved and unengaging but, he was nigistent in his approach and insisted on exchanging details. I gave him my messenger. He eventually left and I promptly slagged him off on facebook before remembering that my profile is public. Did he see it? I felt bad but then thought, hold on, this is my holiday. How dare he think it’s ok to impose his mooby self on it. I thought I had escaped that sort of nonsense when I got on the Virgin flight at Gatwick. Quick shout out to Virgin  on the gluten f

ree meal by the way. Not so much on the way back but you killed it on the way out.

Anyway he insisted on taking me out on my birthday. I guess he hadn’t read the post. We walked around the west side of the island and he showed me his primary school and then said we should go to his cousin’s house. Er, does this fool think I’ve never seen an episode of Oprah? You never ever let them take you to a second location. Yes, judging from his flip flopped feet and belly I could outrun him but, CSI Miami was about to start and I had to make a decision. I chose Miami.

Needless to say I probably wasn’t in any danger at all but, I didn’t want to become some unknown tourist who disappeared in the middle of the night who wrote ‘moobs’ in the sand as a clue to the police. Nah, this was no Bond moment.

© Chelsea Black 2017 #BikiniBirthday #BimBreak

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Brief review of BFI LFF movies

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Categories: BLOG, EVENTS, Latest, Randoms

bfi festival reviewDespite the horror that was the organisation of the festival I did manage to see some real gems. The choice in movies was really good although maybe, just maybe there were too many films in too few days.Few films shown more frequently might have helped. Who knows. We’ll never know!

Bad Hair

A great movie about a 9 year old boy in Venezuela who longs for straight hair in hopes that his mother will love him more. A must see indie movie. I didn’t warm to the single mother at all and found the Q&A spoiled by the BFI interview who felt the need to badly translate Spanish questions.

B is for Boy

I’ve never seen a movie in Igbo before and I found the language hard to listen to but this movie was good. About a woman who loses her baby boy and goes to extreme measures to try to save her marriage whilst her mother in law has her own solutions to the problem.

Chinese puzzle

The last in the trilogy which began with Spanish Inn and stars both Audrey Tautou and Romain Duris. The story takes us to New York where he struggles to maintain contact with his children and deal with immigration. The director was there to answer questions on all three which was delightful. A must for those that have seen the others but even as a stand alone film. It’s faster than the usual French movies and has a touch of the New York meets French.

Gone Too Far

Another adaptation, this time of a play, we saw how a Nigerian brother based in Peckham deals with his brother coming over from Nigeria who isn’t cool enough for the streets. It was funny and well acted by the young cast.

I think this has to have been the largest cast on the stage but that could be because it’s a local story and a lot of the audience were family and friends

Grigris

A French Chadian movie about a dancer with a dead leg who smuggles petrol and has to manage when his step father gets sick and he falls for one of the local tavern girls. It was a little slow but it was an unusual love story so worth seeing.

Half of a Yellow Sun

If you are able to get over Thandie Newton’s butchering accent and limited facial expressions of grief, anguish, pain and sorrow then this is a great way to learn more about the impact the Biafran war had on Nigeria and why it started. I didn’t realise until the end that it was based on true characters but it’s an adaptation of the book by Chimamanda Ngoizi Adichie by Biyi Bandele. This is his dramatic film debut.

The Lunch Box.

I cheekily got a seat an hour before. It was a love story about a system of wives and restaurants sending lunchboxes to workers and what happens when a wife tries to save her marriage through her food but it’s sent to the wrong man. A beautiful and subtle story well told through their letters.

Of Good Report

This is a South African movie banned from the Durban International Film Festival for child pornography. It tells the story of Mr Sithole a teacher who falls for a young girl.  It’s stark and dark. But worth a watch if you like black and white 1950s style suspense movies.

On My Way

A French movie starring Catherin Deneuve who is an ageing beauty pageant winner struggling to get over a lover. She takes an impromptu road trip spurred on by her need to find cigarettes. It’s a good movie and a delightful performance by the grandson.

Twenty feet from Stardom

I loved it and encourage all to go and see it. It’s about the lives of backup singers and follows the journey of about 5. Inspirational and a great history of how music has changed. It’s a great sing a long and they have great interviews with Mick Jagger, Sting and Bruce Springsteen.

 

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The fancy dress code

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Categories: BLOG, EVENTS, Latest, Tags: ,

The Dress code

So it’s kicked off. Some of the people who come to casa de Chelsea are annoyed that whilst they make effort and get dressed up AS PER THE THEME others choose that they don’t have to. I almost had a riot on my hands. And I can see why as many people put a lot of effort into their outfits. We had the fangs (mine fell off :(), Steve Urkel, a clown, some pussies and lots of more masks. But there were a few that I had to ask who they were as i hadn’t seen the films and some who just didn’t dress up at all. Maybe it was abstract?

What to do what to do?

There is an annual soiree that I attend. It’s a Drag Queen Party. We aren’t allowed to take photos and everyone must dress up. IF someone comes without dress there is a box of leftovers from previous years and they must dig in and get involved. I never really got the logic behind it as clearly I have my outfit planned 3 months in advance of the event. But now I get it. Either you follow the rules or you don’t.

My themes are hardly hectic. Yes there is the odd costume party – it’s Halloween for goodness sake – but apart from that I tend to stick to colours to make it easier for people to do other things that night. I’m not tyrannical but I may just have to become so. I don’t want some guests angered that they weren’t allowed to flaunt the rules.

So be warned that at next party I’m having security on the door. If you’re not in dress or following the theme then you’re not coming in! sorry my lovelies but it will ensure that everyone gets into the spirit of the event.

You have 8 weeks notice until New Years Eve. Don’t say you weren’t told.

The End!

 

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