Mary J Blige was one of those concerts I was really looking forward to in 1993. I bought my ticket with the hard earned money I made from my paper round and I went with my friend in matching white outfits which we had ‘made’ ourselves. By this I mean we had added a bit of lace, some gold studs and a rose or two. In my case 12 as I was rose obsessed.  I was young my precious, don’t judge. It was awful as most people remember and I fell out of love. Apparently she was strung out on drugs and a volatile relationship with K-Ci from Jodeci. But where was my refund? I’m still waiting Mary because I know you are reading this.

What’s the 411 was a great album but after the drugs, concert and split with K-ci I just couldn’t be bothered with her anymore. My tolerance for celebrities on drugs only stretched to big sis Whitney it would seem. I also found that as I got older her voice started to grate on me. Yes she can sing but she can also shout too. My only moment that this worked for me was when she shared the stage with Fergie from BEPs and she shouted her down. It’s the little things in life that count. Fergie, a moment please. There is only one Fergie and that is the ginger head full of broken biscuits that is our Sarah Ferguson. She was friend to Princess Diana and Oprah, ex-wife to Prince Andrew and mother to two of the worst dressed women in England. Please stop using her name or fame!

So I fell out with Mary until I saw…the Burger King ad. (see it here) I love it when celebrities whore themselves for disgusting amounts of money. Reportedly she sang about cheese, lettuce and tomatoes for $2million. I would have done it for much less but then, I can’t sing. Wait did the wrap have tomatoes? I can’t be sure now.

My thing is that when your bills are piling up and no album is due for at least another 12 months you either go reality TV or you go adverts for products we all know you don’t use. Really Lion Lionel? You want us to believe that you eat Walkers Crisps? I saw you shirtless in the ‘My Destiny’ video. Granted it was years ago but that is not the body of a crisp monster.

I’m not likely to buy her album over her singing about vegetables but I did smile because so many fans complained about it! Don’t they want their Mary to do well and pay her bills? Do they want her to slide back into a life of darkness? Or maybe it’s because they can’t buy the song online? I just don’t know the advert has been pulled over the negative press. No PR is bad PR right?

So I can’t imagine Mary eating Burger King. I can’t imagine Burger King executives eating Burger King. Every time I turn around another one has closed down. Maybe they should have spent that money on perfecting their pricing strategy which stinks. I do prefer their BBQ sauce to the Golden Arches one mind. Hmmm, I’m not sold on the wrap she was peddling but maybe I do want a chicken royale? Nah I’ll breakfast on Haribos and chocolate instead.

© Chelsea Black