Categotry Archives: Celebrity Gossip

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Mr Marcus and the syphilis

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Categories: Celebrity Gossip, Sex, Tags: , ,

I’ll keep it short and sweet. I’m angry. Porn as I know it has been compromised and no one messes with the sanctity of porn.

Here’s the deal. There are a number of black male porn stars who, love them or hate them you’ve   mr marcus4got to respect their prolific game. 5 off the top of my head in no particular order are Mr Marcus, Sean Michaels, Lexington Steele, Mandingo and Justin Slayer.  Their porn is varied in quality and style, interracial and black on black, all straight but, it’s prolific and like all film industries that’s what counts. The need to get more and more of it out there. Volume over quality story lines. Let’s call them the BBC pack.

So imagine my horror today when I read about Mr Marcus getting jail time for having ‘the syphilis’.

Wait no, that’s not right. It’s not illegal to have syphilis. What’s illegal is being the dumbass that altered documents that said you had it to trick others in the industry into thinking you didn’t have it so that you could carry on working. And how badly were they altered that people could tell? What did he use, a crayon?

Let’s rewind. Mr Marcus has always been the cheeky chappy of the BBC pack. He has this endearing smirk and keeps his socks and sneakers / timberlands on unnecessarily. You’ve gotta love someone for not taking it all too seriously.

But then don’t be a douche and willingly have sex with people for money when you know you’ve got an mr marcus2STD. What idiot does that? Initially I was going to march outside the courthouse because I assumed that he was just being penalised for contracting it but no, he decided that he wasn’t infectious to others so he was going to infect others. I await the civil case because the 2 women in question don’t look like they’re going to let this one die down without some compensation despite being syphilis free. So, no more Mr. Marcus for me.

And what of the responsibility of the industry? Surely by now they should have their own system for ensuring that people are being honest instead mr marcus3of relying on documents pornstars bring themselves? Or just made everyone wear condoms.

And, I would like to take this opportunity to remind men that no matter how crusty your feet, say no to sex with your boots on. I’ve never met anyone that told me they find that sexy. No really, never!

Mr. Marcus, don’t drop the soap.

© Chelsea Black

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Why Girls Aloud still make me sad

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Categories: Celebrity Gossip, Latest, Tags:

Ten years on and I still can’t get over the travesty that is Girls Aloud and how they came about. I wish that I was one of those people that just accepted public votes and got on but sometimes the public are wrong. Look at the government for fuck sake.

But then the other day on PAPPZD they asked a question about who was the most overrated UK artist. I really didn’t have to think about it. The Tweedy Chav. She is more commonly known as Cheryl Cole but I can’t bring myself to call her anything but The Tweedy Chav. She epitomises everything I hate about our need to glorify beauty over talent in this country. Yes I do know that it’s only pop music but some of us take our pop seriously.

Now you know me my precious I really don’t waste time bitching about other women as that would mean I wasn’t doing something less boring like bitching about another man who had done me wrong but as she is a celebrity I feel that she is open for an honest discussion.

Let’s go back to the very beginning. When pop stars the rivals were on I’m not going to lie I wanted One True Voice to win. Yes yes their song Shakespeares words was safe so wasn’t going to the rock the pop world and the video did nothing but highlight the difference between Jamie and the other short one and Anton, the tall young black guy from Tottenham with a voice milli vanilli would have killed for. This is the problem with the public voting on groups. You have noticed that they’ve never attempted something like this since, right?

But alas the public spoke and decided that it had been long enough since the Spice Girls for us to put up with 5 more girls with regional accents singing about ….well I don’t really know what any of their songs were about and I’m usually one for unnecessarily analysing pop lyrics. I tell you what I want, what I really want. I want to know what a Zing a zing aaah is.

But wait. Whereas the Spice Girls were clever enough to promote diversity and therefore sell more dolls Girls Aloud as chosen by the public chose to represent …the regions.

Spice Girls had a black one, a ginger, a blonde, one who refused to wear make up and one who wore too much. Girls Aloud has a ginger who got in merely off the back of her Lulu impression from Liverpool, the blonde, the Irish Nadine who was the only decent singer and then there were two spaces left. We have Kimberly from up north and The Tweedy from Newcastle. She was clearly the weaker of the singers and Javine had been strong through the competition. Surely it made sense that the black person went through? But alas Javine had two things working against her. She was from London which is not a regionally proud city. We suffer from the ennui of considering ourselves too cool. And she was black and black people claim not to vote on these sorts of shows. My mum and I didn’t get this memo as we voted religiously for Anton, Will Young and Robbie Earle on African Strictly Come Dancing. My mum actually had tears as he perfected a Zulu warrior dance routine and we voted 10 times. Each. Needless to say Robbie won and we considered our votes to be the winning ones.

I believe that The Tweedy got in on her looks alone cos it can’t have been her singing. Kimberly was a better singer and deserved her place but that last spot should have been Javine’s. I shall ignore her subsequent affair with Harvey at this stage.  And her  Eurovision embarrassment. And her general demeanour over Alesha Dixon. Swiftly back to the bone of my discontent. The Tweedy. She shouldn’t have been chosen and it has affected all the others. Nadine has had to work extra hard on vocals, Sarah has turned to alcohol, Lulu mini me has been labelled the ugly one and they are still struggling with Kimberly’s hair in an attempt to make her doll more distinct. It would have just been easier to not vote in The Tweedy Chav. There is a pop formula to groups and the British public broke the rules.

I am sure I will write more on the phenomenon that is The Tweedy Chav and people’s insistence that she is talented but before I go one last word. One True Voice you did have fans and you had better voices (well, Danny, Anton and Keith did. Jamie and the other one suffered from the Frankie Cocozza syndrome of having girl voters) You just didn’t have the right song. Please, let’s bump the short ones and start again.

I’m off to go see what happened to that Anton. Surely he’s old enough now, right?

© Chelsea Black

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Goodbye Samantha Brick Road

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Categories: BLOG, Celebrity Gossip, Latest, Randoms, Tags:

As the week rolls to an end and another media flash fire dies I say a quick Easter prayer that I’ve done it. Can you believe I still haven’t read the Samantha Brick column? I can’t bring myself to do it as it’s a Daily Mail piece. That in itself brings me out in ugly hives. But, now that Samantha  and I are friends (I think I wrote the nicest piece on her I’ve seen) and someone kindly sent me her mobile and house number which I ACCIDENTALLY promptly deleted from my site I feel it’s time not to berate the deluded woman but instead to bid her farewell.

No one else will tell you that green makes you look jaundiced or that perhaps your ex wasn’t that crazy to dump your arse. Or maybe that’s just me.  But my argument stands. I will never hate a woman for being beautiful. I will kindly ask her for her leftovers / sloppy seconds and keep on stepping. Because that’s what intelligent women do. They attach themselves to the thing that men want and wait for them to fail before snapping them up themselves. At least, that’s what my plain married friends tell me.

I know that the last few days haven’t been easy for you and that you have been vilified once again for being plain and blonde. But Sam here are my 3 helpful tips for getting your life into some sort of even keel.

1)  When posting pictures best you don’t add the glamour / soft lighting ones from the 80s. Even better don’t call it samsoft. It’s a wee bit naff naff. And the dog, was that to hide the budda belly. Let it hang out girl! It needs to shine too.

2)  The reason you will need female friends is that when hubby cheats or gets bored you need spies who will come and warn you. This gives you the appropriate time to move all the cash into your account then scarper back to Blighty. The FBI need more women on their staff. This is why they took so long to find people who were posting videos from caves. A woman would have tricked him into coming round for sunday lunch and gotten every location out of him in 2001. But I digress….

3)  Female friends are also a moaning buffer between you and your husband. No man wants to listen to the insecurities of women. Stupid questions like do I look fat / do I look too pretty? Need to be reserved for your girlfriends. He must only see the side of you that is confident and strong. Being vulnerable is not being moany Samsoft.

4)  Not having female friends is criminal because it is all about the sisterhood working together against the common enemy that is man. Just because you have a husband Sammy doesn’t make you any less a part of the sisterhood even if you are posing in bad photos in the enemy camp.

5)  Keep your chin up dear. It makes your neck look younger.

But Sammy I feel that your star is shining too bright in a world where my friend Ben says your writing is banal. I can’t even anticipate a well penned rebuke from you because as your website suggests, writing is no longer your passion. Peeing people off is. If only you were beautiful and could be a mature model in catalogue photos instead. You take some great photos.

So goodbye Samantha Brick. It’s been fun being on this short road trip with you albeit virtually. Alas the excitement of a long weekend will ensure that you are soon forgotten.

Click here for original Samantha Brick response.

P.S. Samsoft…a bikini is for the beach hun not for the gym. No wonder the sisterhood aren’t loving you. Have a heart. Put it away!

© Chelsea Black

 

 

 

 

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