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The epic adventure of black theatre in London

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Categories: BLOG, Latest, reviews

Nhamo_webSo last night I was invited to a press night of a new black play. I’m not going to lie, I was really pissed off. Monday is my standard training night and I was missing it to watch yet another mediocre stage production in the name of black solidarity. But I had been invited and reminding myself that it could mean that I could get a take away on the way home I dressed up and headed on over to the Tricycle Theatre in Kilburn. I was going to see The Epic Adventure of Nhamo the Manyika Warrior and his Sexy Wife Chipo.

I’d seen the trailer and the actors were funny but that didn’t mean the play was going to be any good. We’ve all been to see stars we love in bad productions. Can you tell that my expectations were low? But then I remembered that it was a Tiata Fahodzi production. They’re not shoddy.

What can you expect. Well, it’s a play within a story. It’s a post-modern fairy tale told for modern times with a commentary on the capitalisation of storytelling. But most of all it’s hilarious. I didn’t want to laugh. I was still annoyed that the over ground was running late and I had to watch the first 10 minutes on a bad screen. (NB:  To those that love African time, this is not that sort of theatre. Be there early or you’ll miss the African time joke.)

I don’t want to kill it for anyone but it’s really good. I say this with trepidation as those that know me Nhamo Cast1 (Omoloja) crpknow that I rarely like much on the British art scene. Maybe it’s because it’s written by an African but with a Western cynical humour that speaks to all of the audience? We were booing, oohing, aaahing and yaying along with the best of them. Just go and see it and tell me what you think. It’s a short run ending on the 17th August unless it gets extended which it should. Theatre gods are you listening?

My minor gripe may be the over exaggerated accent of the female lead. I’m being overly sensitive being Southern African but it didn’t mesh with the other accents at all. I don’t know why accents are my pet peeve but there you have it.  This one was good but a tad too grating. She was funny though and her part well written.

And so I walked away from the joys of Kilburn High Street (the street drinkers are getting quite specific as to how much change they want. £1.50) with a smile on my face, a full belly (you’ve gotta love a press night which has well-cooked plantain on the table) and the promise of seeing it all again on the 16th with Altonative. Call the Tricycle for the 16th, passcode ALTONATIVE and the tickets are only £14. Or just go. Whenever. Pay full price and stop being a cheapskate. I know, don’t thank me. Just come and have a laugh. This is good, well written, comedy theatre, not good black theatre and that my precious is definitely worth seeing. oh and did I mention there is loads of male chest nudity? And that it was directed by Lucian Msamati (Game of Thrones)…..yeah, thought that may be the sell.


© Chelsea Black


Married men and Single women


Categories: A-sexy: Etiquette Guide, BLOG, Latest, reviews, Tags: , ,

sex Etiquete : M is for married men

Over the weekend I saw a film that I truly regret watching. The film? Married men and Single women. That’s 90 minutes I’ll never get back.  It was really awful. I can’t express to you how awful it was but, I had to skip to the end. The end was worse than the beginning. I beg no one watches it. It was superimposed by a number of action superhero films I’ve only just got around to watching. They weren’t bad! And if nothing else I now have costume ideas for Halloween.

There is an interesting dynamic between married men and single women. Most single women want a single man that will commit. So we look for traits in these men that suggest that they are marriage material. Not easy I tell you as many single men guard their bachelorhood like footballers guard their balls in a free kick line up. It’s a tension as old as time. One wants constant access to sex the other, security and love. Most women just hope he trips into love along the way but there are no guarantees.

We are drawn to married men because they give the illusion of the golden sword at the end of a long exhausting journey. They’ve learned to commit so we know they are capable. They know what not to say to a woman to piss her off. They know what women want to hear. And single women to married men offer a woman who is willing to compromise to get a man. Her expectations are lower than the wife’s. Married men have learned how to break through our defences and make us believe that we want the little they actually have to offer.

But my precious if he’s married to someone else and he’s crushing or hitting on you know that it’s really not worth it. He doesn’t understand a fundamental rule of marriage. Honesty!  This is a man who will always take the easy option and look for validation elsewhere because he can. The man who will not feel guilt and instead just make you feel insecure about what you really want.

If you’re looking for love and marriage stay away from married men. We need to develop a protective shield for them. They are our kryptonite. OK OK, I’m going to stop with the superhero films.


© Chelsea Black


Happy Birthday Boudoir Lashes

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Categories: BLOG, EVENTS, Latest, reviews

Boudoir Lashes

Yesterday saw a delicious event at Jewel bar Piccadilly for Boudoir Lashes. Celebrating their first birthday party, Asma and team put on a delightful mix of treatments such as nails, henna and spray tanning (I gracefully opted out of that one). I was instead distracted by the food and champagne. I’m a sucker for a flute or two of the bubbly.

I had to leave early so missed a lot of the night but already it was a mix of ethnicities and women across economic boundaries. That’s what I love about treatments as opposed to fashion; the diversity. Most I spoke to had known Asma for a while which highlighted to me the importance of the relationship when people are getting their bodies taken care of. It’s more than just a quick anonymous pedicure at those salons where they don’t talk to you except to ask you to lift your other leg. The eyes are the windows to the soul and as such the lashes frame them. It’s important that it looks right and that the person doing it has a sense of the person you are.  A while ago I got my lashes done. I never felt prettier and I’m a tomboy. I wanted drag queen lashes as it my tendency to go big but instead got natural looking extensions that suite my face. You can’t argue with this pint sized dynamo. She knows her shit.

As with all these events I came expecting very little and left with a great goody bag. All of the products are homemade but professional. I’m going to experiment over the coming weeks but the lipstick went straight on! I missed the burlesque dancing although the dancers were there early posing by the bar. Next time my pretties we will swap moves.

Asma is a delight and definitely one to watch as the business grows in the near future. I’m glad to be on the client list before I’m referred to someone else who doesn’t ignore my demands for massive drag queen lashes. My advice? Book soon before she outgrows her space in Beccas, South Ken

© Chelsea Black

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