Friday night

So I was at a regular event I attend and the men were feeling themselves This in and of itself isn’t unusual but, the tides have changed and they’re all in relationships, making them smug men now. This is almost as bad as Smug women but is saved by the fact that they can’t not make it about themselves after 5 minutes

Now, to be clear I am truly blessed to have a lot of male friends who care about my single status to want to help me with unsolicited advice. I know this and appreciate the gift of the gods. But seriously? Let’s go through them

Mr child on the way

This one had to move the wedding up because, she’s pregnant and I guess some people are still traditional enough to consider outside wedlock a thing? I dunno.

He asked me about my love life as his new wedding ring sparkled in the lights. When I told him I was single he started pressing him to tell him what I want from a man. We’re not meant to have a list and yet people want a list?

 I have a save go to acronym that I use Chirpps ( full disclosure? It used to be chips because I was hungry when I came up with it but then realised that R was a necessary addition. Now I want chips)

  • Confident
  • Honest
  • Intelligent
  • Ready
  • Peniley pleasing
  • Successful

He asked me if my future man could have children and I said no because it’s harder to break up with a man with children. You’re breaking up with the children too. Also the coparenting system has to be amicable and resolved. So it’s a lot. Besides there are plenty of women out there with children. They can date each other.

He then told me about his friend who has two children and isn’t very happy. He had a ‘babymama’ who was a bitch and it was all drama. He needs a woman to coach him through this terrible time. So, he’s not ready then? He wants a transition cheerleader to help him through this tremulous time? So this is the man you want me to meet?

His response. “I think you would get on.”

Nah Fam, I’m not the one

Mr I set you up

This one was one of my successful set ups. He’s married to my friend and they seem to be well on their way to familial bliss and suburban commuting. Yay! It’s what they both wanted.

He tells me that his best man at the wedding is now married and a father. I think the implication is that it could have been me but I didn’t want to date a player who told me that he didn’t want to settle down as he was still going through his divorce.  

I told him I’m still happily unhinged and he told me that I was too fussy. I asked how and he couldn’t answer the question but told me that his other friend would be a good option but, he was too busy working on his book right now so, no. I left the conversation confused. So, I’m the fussy one? Because I don’t want to date people who aren’t ready? Hmmmmm

Smug Men want you to settle

So there is a sociological need to erase single women from life. You have to have a man to be deemed safe. It doesn’t matter that he’s not right for you and it’s likely to end in tears and misery. Better that than be seen as these embittered, fussy wenches who won’t marry emotionally unavailable men. How dare you say no to their pithy offerings?

The answer is easily.

On that note, let me take myself to the cinema and watch some movie that tells me that if he persists I must succumb and then feel blessed that I was saved from singledom.

Bye for now my precious! Please don’t settle for less than you are.

© Chelsea Black 2019