Categotry Archives: DATING TIPS

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First Date who pays: The cravat

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Categories: BLOG, DATING TIPS, Latest, Tags: , , , ,

chris eubank

First Date paying Pain

So I met him through a network around Christmas. He was nigistent in his request to take me out to dinner. I wasn’t keen. He wore cravats. I wasn’t sure if it was because he loved Chris Eubank or was playing the English Gentleman. But again the words of Mama Black were ringing in my ears. “I want grandchildren!” and I found myself agreeing to a mid-week date for dinner. He didn’t ask me where I wanted to go and he suggested Criterion in Piccadilly. Not having heard of it I said yes.

In social networks you never really know who else talks to each other. I found out from my other friend that she had a date with the same guy for the Friday night. Oh great! So she got date night and I got a Tuesday?!? I wasn’t impressed but then I figured we were technically all on holiday so what did it matter what day of the week it was. I was only slightly appeased.

We arrived at the restaurant and sadly he was wearing a cravat. This wasn’t an ironic statement (I asked) and I started to suspect he was doing a Goodness Gracious me attempt at being English. His Etonion accent kept dropping into Naija as the night went on and he also dropped a few bomb shells without realising. I found some of his views misogynistic but given that I had known him for a while now this didn’t surprise me. I just didn’t understand why he had asked me out.

Being lactose intolerant I tried to avoid dairy but you know these fancy shmancy places. They cook everything in butter. I don’t know what it was but I wasn’t feeling great as the night wore on. I had to go home. The bill came and I offered to go halvsies but he wasn’t having it. He insisted. I didn’t fight it. I had done the obligatory reach and had my Christmas money in my purse.

He walked me out and asked me back to his. Firstly he lived East, secondly the food definitely wasn’t agreeing with me and thirdly I just didn’t fancy him. I said no and went home. We met another time for dinner with some friends of his (I paid my share) but other than at the network we didn’t really hang.

Six months later I happen to be in Hoxton on a rare night out when he gets drunk and starts attacking me. He said, “YOU! You owe me! I spent over £100 on you for dinner and you didn’t even give me some.”

Dinner for sex? Imagine if he had taken me to Nandos? My street value would be £10*.

I told him that if he wanted to pay for sex then I would be a lot more than £100. He didn’t laugh. Needless to say I don’t really see him as much these days. I’m scared that if I do I will strangle him with that bloody cravat.

*Nandos prices for half a meal platter as of 2009

© Chelsea Black

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first date who pays?

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Categories: A-sexy: Etiquette Guide, BLOG, DATING TIPS, Latest, Tags: , ,

first date

That is the on going first date question. Is it fair that we women still expect that a man picks up the first date tab? And what in same sex relationships how do you decide who is to pay? Until the salaries in the UK are equal then I don’t expect that my view on his paying will change.  I’m assuming this is why there is a disparity?

Dating rules are contradictory and many don’t follow them anyway but this one seems to be close to people’s hearts as I saw on a Facebook post recently. So there are a number of ways you can decide on this:

Go Dutch

Agree to pay half in advance. Both of you can relax and not worry about what the other is ordering. This doesn’t mean pouring over the items on the bill and paying for what you had. Just split it down the middle. Yes one of you may have drunk a wee bit more than the other (it wasn’t happy hour prices) or someone may not have had a dessert (pretending you eat like a bird?) but let it go already.

Going Dutch is also great for a guy you never ever want to see again.

The Reach game

He reaches for the bill, you reach for your purse, he insists you graciously accept and say you’ll get it next time. You’ve already decided that you will never see his dumb ass again but it’s the gesture that counts. I had one who never reached for his wallet. We just sat there looking at the bill. The waiter came around 3 times before I just put my card on the bill. He smiled and that was the last time I saw him. Dinner and the venue were his suggestion and the bill was less than £40!

The choice is yours

So maybe don’t tell him that Oxo or Asia de Cuba are your favourite spots. I suggested Asia de Cuba to a guy I met on Facebook. He was coming in from out of town and you share the dishes so to me, it’s really not expensive. He freaked out and that was the end of him. Let’s ignore the fact that he had some recent addiction and self-esteem issues.  I’m guessing £20 for a main course was just too much when you can get a meal for two at Nandos for that.

So choose somewhere that is affordable for one person to pay for two and he won’t resent it if you sent him photos pre baby 5 years ago. Yes my precious some women online lie too. I know some men want to impress but dudes keep within your budget and if in doubt you choose the wine.

You ask you pay

If you invite him on a date then you should really pay and vice versa.

So that’s it. Paying on the first date. Don’t make it a thing. But know that if he’s happy for you to pay for the whole date, well you need to grab your purse and run! This man isn’t for you.

Happy Dating!

© Chelsea Black

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The Perfect Timing

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Categories: BLOG, DATING TIPS, Latest

timing

I’ve started to think back on some of my relationships. Yes my precious I’ve had them. Some have lasted minutes and some years but in the back of my head I think I was trying to do what we all do and fit a square peg into this round hole. Find the one

Eventually I’ve started to realise that perhaps it isn’t about the other person at all. It’s all about when you meet them. The other night I had a dream about my first love who is now happily shacked up with children and thought, why not him? The reason being I was 18 and about to take over the world one university day at a time. He was working already. Oh and I was moving continents and he was still happily at his mum’s house. But that doesn’t mean the love wasn’t there or that he was the wrong person. Just the wrong time. I still would.

Then a few relationships later …..ok a tad more than a few (god, you’re so bloody judgemental) and I got married. With hindsight I was at the age where you typically want to get married and settle down as a woman. He was at the age where he wasn’t willing to fight me on this. So we got married and then I wanted children and it freaked him out. Every time I started talking about it the vain in his neck would bulge in panic and he’d agree but I knew his heart wasn’t in it. Then I realised that I already had a child and I was married to him. He’s now married with kids because he did eventual grow up and want it all too, just 5 years after me. So again great guy but it was just the wrong time.

Then there was the one I almost got engaged to. It was an intense love but he just didn’t want to ever be alone so he kind of got engaged to a lot of people just to be sure that he had someone. I loved him completely and felt loved but again a continent of distance and his inability to tell the truth made it hard for me to leave behind the joys of Kings Road and move to the States.  I don’t care what anyone says, I’m a Central London girl at heart. So again, the man was right, albeit a lying cheating arse at times but the timing not so much. Shout out to his new wife.

None of them were similar except maybe in their adoration of me and my love for them. So this means that as I get older I realise that at different times of my life I’ve needed different types of men. So clearly one guy would have struggled to fulfil every whim and mood I ever had right? Hmmm.

I find myself meeting men all the time and thinking yes, 5 years ago he would have been perfect but now, I don’t want to have to mother someone through life or yes great for when I’m in an old age home but there isn’t enough sexually energy to see me through post natal sex drive dive. You just can’t take a risk on the future can you?

So take care my precious that you aren’t stuck on looking for the perfect man (the perfect man is one that thinks like a woman or is alpha to the core) and focus on what you need in your life right now. I’ll let you know how this new philosophy serves me.

Smooches!

© Chelsea Black

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